Friday, August 21, 2015

Partners And Politics!



         He's a Democrat, she's a staunch Republican, he's an independent, she's a tree hugging liberal, can they get along? Partners and Politics, can a couple having opposite political views get along? Some say it's unimportant, some say it's of the utmost importance. The question is if politics is important to one, will a relationship flourish or fail if two people are political opposites? Oddly enough the infamous liberal James Carville and his wife conservative Mary Matalin are a married couple that has survived their political differences. I have to think they are the exception to the rule or perhaps opposites attract?

       While the theory of opposites attracting one another may well be valid, I for one just can't do it. I personally have difficulty having mere friends that are liberals let alone a partner. Frankly hearing someone defend the likes of menopausal maniac Hillary Clinton turns my stomach. Seriously I get an instant ulcer. I think the woman is a lying, manipulative bitch that has no business running for the Presidency. Yet there are a few and very few at that, people that support this woman that makes Nixon look like a boy scout. Now if I have difficulty being "just" friends with someone that is a democrat, how in hell am I going to have a romantic relationship with a democrat? For that matter how can anyone with strong political views cohabitate with a partner having polar opposite political views? I for one did, in fact I married an independent!

      How did I marry someone not from the same political party? Simple, my now "ex" husband lied. I suppose he lied as to impress me and to get me. Oh he got me alright. He got me and learned just how conservative I was. As I had always displayed signs of my favorite candidate I did so as a married woman during the Bush/Kerry election. My then hubby had somewhat of an issue with my sign, so much so that he took my sign down. What did I do? I did what any self respecting female republican would do, I put it back up. Childishly my ex took the sign down again and stubbornly I put my sign back up again. I found the whole thing amusing and laughable, my ex did not as my ex turned into Mike Tyson and nearly took my nose off. Carville and Matalin my then hubby and I were not. We were far from it, and from the moment I nearly lost my nose in my support for George W. Bush I knew that partners and politics could not mix!

      While I was married to a man that chose to lie about his political party affiliation, I once dated a man that cared nothing about politics. My thought was I could mold him and recruit him to the republican party. In theory it was a good thought. In reality it wasn't happening. I was successful in turning this man into a republican, but the trouble was his way of life was very much that of a liberal. I was successful in recruiting him to the republican party, and registering to vote. I was unsuccessful in actually getting his ass to the polls, and voting. That's right I dated a man that, oh God help me, I can't even say it, I dated a man that didn't vote. Me! I actually went out with a man that did not vote in the Romney/Obama election. Why? Why had my then boyfriend not voted? Well this ding dong had been out the night before and couldn't get out of bed in time to vote prior to work. Frankly it was a miracle this man made it to work. That being said it was a miracle he even held a job. Actually two weeks later this find of mine was fired in true liberal fashion. Like I said this idiot was clearly a Democrat. It's a shame that all of the liberals that year couldn't have tied one on, gotten baked, high, and obliterated as to miss the election, we might have won! 

   Partners and politics is a serious situation. I myself feel partners should share similar political views. I speak from experience. I like my nose and nearly lost it for Bush! I'd like to keep my nose. I'd also like to keep my sanity, and therefore I also can not date a man that has little to no interest in politics. Politics and the direction of our country is far too important to me to watch someone with zero interest in our Congress, Senate and Presidency. I feel those with no interest in politics to be ignorant. The truth is the state of our nation at present is a sad state of affairs. We live in a scary world and it is of the utmost importance that we be educated and aware of what politicians are for and against. Thanks to Obama our nation has become more racist, more vulnerable to terrorism, more in debt, more barbaric, and more in trouble than it's been in years. The only ones who can change our nation's present situation is us. 

    I don't know about anyone else, but I can not date a man that is not on the same page as myself when it comes to politics. Other people may well be able to date, cohabitate and EVEN marry people having opposing political views, I can not. I can not, as frankly I'd like to strangle every democrat from here to timbucktu. It just unnerves me that anyone can be a democrat. It unnerves me even more that anyone can still today, support Hillary Clinton. The woman in my opinion is a liar surrounded with scandal, and in my opinion she should not have any support. I believe Hillary has blood on her hands as she and Obama both watched in real time the Benghazi massacre. The woman should be in jail and with the current investigation into her emails as being conducted by the FBI she just may, and if anyone can support this woman they are either ignorant, in denial, or both. Whatever the case may be, I have no tolerance for a liberal, no time for a liberal, and certainly no room in my life for a partner that is a liberal. 

    Partners and politics can be a deadly combination. Had I stayed married to my idiotic moronic independent husband I might be dead. Had I stayed with my uncaring, oblivious boyfriend with no interst in politics, I might have killed him. I'm kidding of course, however it is my belief that partners and politics do not mix. Why would the two mix? Countries go to war over having political differences. People die fighting for their political beliefs. Therefore how can two people in a relationship with opposing values, and political beliefs possibly make it for the long haul? I don't think they can, but I dare anyone to try. For myself, I've been there and done that, and I'm not gonna do it again. I need a real man for a partner, and real men are republicans. So if a good looking Democrat comes my way I'll smile think he's a hot mess, walk away and say, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

     

       

         

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Picky Or Selective?





         Picky or selective? I and many other singles are told time and time again that we are too "picky". "Picky"? I say we are "selective". We who are single choose to be single, as it is my belief that a good majority of men and women in relationships are not with the man or woman of their dreams. For that matter I think many people in relationships are not even with a partner that they really really like. I think many people "settle" for what's easy, what's right there in front of them and for what's not a challenge. Am I guilty of this phenomenon? Yes, of course. I think everyone is guilty of the "settling" phenomenon. It's not everyday that a person takes one's breath away. Hell it's not even a yearly occurrence that one is able to meet someone that just leaves one speechless. No, the fact is, is that finding the "right" one is a rather difficult task. Not only is it difficult, but it's dam near impossible . If it were easy to find the "one", the "one", wouldn't be so special now would they?

       It's easy to "settle". Anyone can be in a relationship tomorrow if they so desire. Seriously for BOTH men and women it's pretty simple. Let's face it if one is a single woman it's not difficult to get a man.Men are easy, men always want to get laid so it's a no brainer.  Add to that a man without a job and there are a lot out there a man will be like a dog, he'll never leave. Now while men always want to get laid and are easy, women can be just as easy. Women are desperate,especially after the age of thirty. I admit it most women after the age of thirty successful or not are desperate to find a man. I'm not knocking these women, I get it! Women grow up wanting the whole "fairytale" and if men weren't such schmucks all women should have that fairytale. Sadly the fairytale is not easily found and therefore women become desperate and settle. Not to seem like Ms Perfection I've succumbed myself. I too have become desperate for love and romance and have settled for men who were unemployed, battling demons, battling addictions, and downright mentally ill. Thankfully I have outgrown that phase and am satisfied with being alone, and dating than to be desperate and in a relationship.

     "Picky" I'm told I now am. Really? Well I say I am being "selective" not picky. The last time I tired of being "picky" I settled and married my now ex-husband. No I am not picky I am finally being "selective". I say better to be selective and single than desperate and in a relationship with someone that is not the "one". Funny thing about being selective, when one becomes selective one finds that there's no one to choose from. It's easy to find just anyone, but it's anything, but easy to find the right one. It's easy to meet a man, but when one doesn't want just any man it's not an easy feat. Oh one can easily meet men without jobs, men with tempers, men with anal retentive disorder, men who are grossly out of shape and over weight, men with narcissistic personalities, men who are sociopaths, and the list goes on in what dysfunctional men women can find. Overly flawed men are only a stones throw away, but men that have their you know what together are not so easily found.

     Picky, selective however one chooses to view it is I am convinced the only path to meeting the partner that will last. I've been anything, but picky time and time again and had only failed relationships and wasted time to show for it. It has been my experience that in settling one only wastes precious time, time that could be spent leaving open to meet the right person. While those of us who are single may well be accused of being, "picky", I say not. We are "selective' and satisfied to walk away from what's easy and say, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015


       

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Real Men, The Lost Species?

           Men. What happened to real men? Yes what happened to real live men that had a backbone, or to put it more bluntly, had balls? Men used to be tough. Men used to be strong. Men used to be our protectors and a force to be reckoned with. Men used to be what women couldn't live without. Today many women are finding they can't live with men. Why are more and more women finding themselves happier alone than with a man? Simple, real men are a rare find, soon to be a lost species.

           What has happened to the real men? I'll tell you. What's happened is modern day men have become far too sensitive, far too feminine, far too metro sexual, and far too soft spoken. I and many other women have had it with men that are just plain pussies! We women want real men and men that are respectable, intelligent, confident, rough, tough and brooding. I ask what happened to the "Clint Eastwood" like men? What happened, is men stopped being drafted is what happened. I tend to doubt  men who fought in World Wars one and two to be wimpy, spineless and pathetic. That being said I suppose women would be well advised to visit a military base to find a real man. Today many of our nation's real men can be found in our nation's military. Not all military men but the men that joined our military to fight and defend our country, are real men. Not the men that joined the military for a free education. Yes I would venture to say that a good majority of our "real" men are in fact serving our country.Perhaps being in the military is what is needed to man "men" out of men. Lord knows something is needed to make "men" out of the men, we women have living among us.

           Cutting men some slack perhaps men not behaving like real men is not completely their fault. There was a time when in the workplace men competed against other men, that time is now gone. Today men are competing not only against men, but women in the workplace. Losing a job to a woman has to be somewhat demasculating for a man. As if losing a position to a woman isn't bad enough, a man having to work under a woman has to be even worse. Suffice it to say that having women in the workplace has not been a plus for men and their masculinity. As if men having women push them around their places of employment isn't bad enough, many men have ball busting wives to push them around at home as well. Bottom line the  product of working women is a man who's lost his nuts. Nutless men, not a good combination for women who prefer strong, rugged real men.

      Real men, are they a lost species? Is it women in the workplace? Is it that our culture is becoming too politically correct? As a teen I can recall teasing, and making fun of the opposite sex. It was how we flirted as a teen. Good God, nowadays if I were to make fun of a teenage boy he'd be on the five o'clock news telling of how a girl bullied him and be coddled by his mother. Mothers, maybe THAT'S the problem. Mothers that can't let go. I once dated a man that's mother was so involved in his life people thought her to be odd. So odd that people made the joke that she'd still be breast feeding her son if she could. This same man was anything, but tough. He swore he was dying every time he had an ache or pain. In looking back this is a perfect example of a man that could have greatly benefited from being in the military as he was far from being a real man. Mothers, overbearing mothers, is that the cause of real men coming the lost species?

       Women in the work place, men no longer being drafted, being politically correct, coddling mothers, what is it? What is the cause of men not being real men? It's a reach, but perhaps one can blame the female hormones in our beef. Whatever it is, I miss real men. I think many of us do. While women do not want a narcissistic, nut of a man to control them, women want a man that stands up for what he believes in, and the people who are important to him. Women want a man that is ambitious, and confident, and willing to work for what he wants to achieve. Women want a real man and not just a man in appearance, but a real live rough and tough man. I know many women that are convinced the "real man" is a lost species, and that it precisely why so many women are walking away and saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

     


Friday, July 3, 2015

Marriage And Happiness!


   Well the secret to a joyous life is out, it's official folks, married people are happier people. According to a recent study it's a fact that those men and women that have made the trip down the aisle are happier than those who have not gone down the aisle. Upon hearing this recent study I must admit that I was somewhat surprised. Clearly this study did not include couples at each other's throats like that of my now ex-husband and I. For that matter the study did not include the likes of many of the couples who I have known. That all being said, I for one would love to know what couples this study did include. The last I heard at least fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. Quite obviously I the study was composed of the fifty percent that has not yet divorced.

         Marriage and happiness, interesting as I would not put those two words together based on my marriage. Marriage and hell would be more like my analogy, but then I didn't marry the love of my life. Shame on me for settling. Lesson to be learned, settle with the wrong one and marriage will not equate happiness, it will equate guaranteed lifelong misery, and suffering. Think I'm kidding, just try it, it's sheer hell on earth. However, according to this recent study of actual happy couples, marriage does make one happier than being flying solo. Well isn't that a bit of sunshine folks? Just what we singles want to hear! Well, I think it's just great, for those of whom are in happy marriages that is. I'm happy for them. Why I'm thrilled to pieces to know that happily married couples are happier than single people .Yes, I am seriously, why I am just overflowing with joy that marrieds are happier than singles.

         Bitter? No. Envious? Perhaps, or more a feeling of why not me? I'm quite sure I am not alone in my feeling of "why not me?" Why not, us of whom are single, divorced, or widowed? Why didn't we get so lucky as to find our soul mate, so we too could be happier as a married person than as a single person? I do believe that the men and women that found their "one" and married, are happier than we of whom have not found our "one", and are still single or are divorced. I am of the opinion that many people fool themselves into believing that being single is better. I think many single men believe that being macho and studly, is whats most important. I think many independent and loose women feel their way, is the way to everlasting happiness. I disagree. The married couples that are happy couples, they've got it all, they really do. 

    From the beginning of time the man upstairs wanted men and women to marry, procreate, grow old, and die together. For awhile people went with that. Somewhere down the road many got selfish and decided marriage and family was not where it was at. For that I believe we've lost our way as a culture. I believe far too many men and women marry for the wrong reasons hence giving marriage a bad name. In that regard I find a recent study concluding that married people are happier people, refreshing. For those couples that have married their true love, built a life, and are growing old together, I say congratulations.  I truly believe that those are the couples that found the key to what life is all about. 

      All one needs to do to see that married people are happier people is to look at a crotchety old single man, or a catty old single woman. In observance one is able to see that the single life is not kind. Let's face it those handsome brooding men who may well have conquered women near and far, do not stay handsome forever. No Steven the super stud at seventy can be spotted sporting nose and ear hair. I ask what is up with that? For some unknown reason, nostril and ear hair seems to grow on elderly men like weeds, and their eyebrows become unruly. I guess old age prevents these men from using tweezers. On second thought it is probably due to not having a wife who owns tweezers and a wife to tell him that he is overgrown and unkempt. Not only that as per a recent conversation with a married woman I was informed of unmentionable things happening to aging men. Apparently "things" begin to deteriorate that one didn't know could. From the expression on this happily married woman's face I was afraid to ask. Needless to say she did say those "things" happening" are far easier with someone with whom one grows old with, and not something one would want to experience off the bat. Likewise, it is far easier to grow old 'with" a woman than to get her as a senior citizen. Suzy the skinny super slut who thought she was all that, and didn't care to settle down doesn't fare too well either, but better than her male counterparts. As women are far more apt to go under the knife, women do preserve themselves better than men, or do they? Meet Suzy super slut at sixty, and she's blown up with fillers, pulled,tucked and lifted, bitter,and bitchy, and is a prime of example of married people being happier people.

      Married people are happier people? Do I buy it? I buy i,t with the couples that married for love. Those whom have found their perfect partner have what I, and so many of us have always wanted, a best friend with chemistry. Those people have someone to call with good or bad news, have someone to have their back, as they have theirs. Married people have someone to go home to, or someone who's home for them. Married people have someone with whom to share their hopes and dreams, and someone to encourage to pursue their hopes and dreams. Married people make "love" and not do "it" just for sex. Married people have someone with whom to cuddle, and someone with whom to tell to get away when it's too hot and their warmth is unneeded. Married people who are "happily married" I believe are indeed happier people. As many of us may be asking "why not me", we also can find happiness in knowing that the fairy tale of marriage and happily ever after, does in fact exist. I settled when I married and I now know that happy marriages do exist, and for that I am hopeful as we all should be. I would like to someday meet the "right" one and be part of that study of the married people whom are happier people. Yes I do admit I would like to again marry, but I would never again settle. As much as studies tout how married people are happier people, I don't totally agree. The fact is one is happier being single and unmarried, than being with the wrong one and married, and therefore I am still saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015
       

Sunday, June 21, 2015

The Eternal Bachelor And Why To Stay Away!

       






"No one's going to land me", he says. "No woman will ever get me down the aisle", he exclaims! " "I'll never be trapped into being with just one woman!" Statements commonly made by the eternal bachelor. The "eternal bachelor", cocky, confident, cool, cunning, sometimes charming, and ever so comfortable in his ways. This man is "the" man.   He is a force to be reckoned with, that is if one gets close enough, but then again who'd want to? Surprisingly more women than one might think. Count me in as one, yes I married an "eternal bachelor", and hence why I am divorced.

        If one had asked me in 2003 what I thought of the terms "confirmed bachelor", and "eternal bachelor", I would have said that it was nonsense. I did not believe in confirmed bachelors because I knew better. My take was that the "right" woman had not yet come along. Yes, I was of the belief that if a woman was the best thing since sliced bread she could land an "eternal bachelor". This woman had to be pretty spectacular, she'd have to be "cool", she'd have to be "smart", she'd have to be enchanting, unique and simply spectacular, but the right woman could indeed capture the confirmed bachelor. Why did I have this philosophy? Simple. Mission accomplished. I landed a confirmed bachelor, and I was living proof that it could be done, and the fact that I lived through it to tell my story is also proof that miracles do in fact exist!

         Four years I was married to the eternal bachelor. Four long years. Four years of which seemed more like forty years of my life, were wasted on my "eternal bachelor", and as hindsight is twenty twenty, I would have done things a whole heck of a lot differently, starting with, I never ever would have married him! I took four years of my little life and spent it with a self centered, selfish, egotistical, eternal bachelor. Four years of which could have been well spent on leaving myself open to meet a more normal guy. A guy that truly wanted to be married and wanted a partner in life. Bitter? No, but I do regret making a decision that may well have been the absolute stupidest decision I ever made in my life.

       Were there signs? Oh yes, there were signs, oh were there ever. Prior to my marrying this man, he made a comment to my mother that I was "a wife in training", and if that wasn't a red flag, I don't know what was. One trains a dog, not a woman! Next, this man barely told anyone that he was engaged to be married. That's another serious red flag. If a man doesn't want everyone from here to Timbucktu to know that he's getting married, it's a problem. Men who are happy about getting married, tell everyone and anyone and when they do, they "glow". Yes, even men "glow" when they're in love, it's actually quite cute. Lastly, when I was ill with a horrible cold prior to our marriage, my ex hubby went on with his plans to attend a basketball game with clients. Clients who wanted to set him up with a family member. Yes, there were signs and due to my so desperately wanting to be married, I forged ahead and conquered.

       Funny, after three months of dating I had a ring. Six months after that I was married. I thought I had done the impossible, and conquered the "eternal bachelor".  A confirmed bachelor is not one wants to conquer. Conquer and win him, and what you obtain is a man who is selfish, self centered, set in his ways, and simply impossible to live with. Seriously. In living with one of these types I felt like a visitor in what was to be my own home. I found out many things while married to this man. I learned that I did not know how to load a dish washer, I was unaware of how to put a bag in a garbage can, I was not correct in how I made a salad, I was not a good dog washer, and need I go on? I never knew how many things I did wrong until I got married. Frankly I don't know how I managed to make it through life without the aid of my ex hubby, why he knew it all ! No he didn't. My ex hubby was far from knowing it all. My ex was simply an "eternal bachelor" that had lived his whole life "his way", that it was the only way. 

        In my opinion these confirmed bachelors should stay single. I think these men do an incredible disservice if they do marry. These are men that have lived alone far too long, and are set in their ways, ways that will never be changed. Some of these men may well have lived with women, but one can't say that's a plus for the eternal bachelor as it is not. Men who have only lived with women, lived with women who probably catered to them day in and day out as they were hoping to some day be surprised with a ring, a ring that never transpired. I know my ex hubby lived with several women, and they all killed themselves in trying to please this man and guess what? He never married any of them, he married me. Perhaps I was wrong in not living with him prior to marriage, as I would have known what to expect. After month one I would have surely packed up, and run for the hills! He like many other eternal bachelors never should have married. These men are men that have been on their own for far too long to ever be a  good partner, much less a good husband to anyone, and there's nothing wrong with that. What is wrong, is when these confirmed bachelors get a moronic thought in their head that says, "gee, I think I'd like to be married and have woman around!" Shut the door on that thought if this man is past the age of 50, and think long and hard if the man is 40. My ex hubby was 41. The results may not be pretty.

        The "eternal bachelor" is what he is, a confirmed bachelor. This man is not a bad man, he is just a man that should probably never make that trip down the aisle. Are there exceptions? Of course as there are always exceptions, but one must heed the warnings as to what a man's motives are, like does this man just want a woman to do his errands and be at home when he comes home so he has a sure thing, or does he really want a partner to grow old with and with whom to build a life? The truth is I do think many confirmed bachelors regret their decision to be alone. I'll never forget a conversation I overheard between a group of men after Hurricane Andrew, it was hysterical. As these men were to go out of town on business they were discussing how nice it was that they had their wives to take care of the nearly destroyed homes while they were away. Well the grumpy old eternal bachelor stood there, listened, and then piped out, "it sure would be nice to have a wife right about now, she could do things for me!" Now wouldn't he be a catch for a girl wanting to conquer the "eternal bachelor"? I think not and that is why when I see an eternal bachelor I now walk away and say, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015
       
          

Friday, June 12, 2015

Reforming A Man!




  "You find a man and make him what you want him to be, or you reform him", this was advice given to me by a friend or two, as a twenty something. Apparently this advice is still given to women today as I watched a woman on television give the very same advice to women today. Reform a man? Seriously I thought the time to reform a man was when a man was a teenager. I believe that's when actual "reform schools", came in handy. Well newsflash I have no interest in taking on a man as a project and "reforming him", into what I want a man to be. I believe a man should already be "the perfect man" for me, or I don't want him, and chances are other women should not want him either!

      Reform a man? Are you kidding me? No I'm perfectly serious. There are people out there that actually believe one can mold a man into what they want a man to be. I say "good luck with that!" If a man is not what a woman wants from the start, that same man is not going to be the man a woman wants down the road either. I do believe men may well play the part of being what their woman wants them to be as to get the woman they want, but once he has her, bam! Bam that man instantaneously turns right back into the man he was when the woman met him. If a man was a poor dresser in the beginning he will resort back to being a poor dresser again. If a man is a disrespectful dipstick, he will become one again. If a man is a resentful ungiving gift giver he will again be a schmuck in the gift giving department. If a man is without morals, manners, and class, he will no doubt resort back to his classless days. Like they say, "you can't change the stripes on a tiger", or was it a zebra? Whatever the old cliche is, it also pertains to a man. One can not "reform", or change a man! What a man is, is what a man is, love him now or love him never.

    I'm sorry to put a damper on things, but I speak the truth. The lesson to be learned is, you can't change a man. No you can't mold a man, and you can not reform a man into the man you wish to have in your life, and live happily ever after. It just doesn't work. I know I've tried. I've dressed men up, and when I was not around to style them the result was less than spectacular. Hell many times the result was downright dreadful. As a married woman I tried many times to dress up my husband, and the result was complete disgust on his part, and knock down drag out fights. Eventually I tired of trying to have my husband be chic sophisticated hubby I wanted him to be. I guess I felt as an attorney he should always look like a success when out and about, he felt differently. Funny enough more times than no,t my ex hubby would be embarrassed at how he was dressed when with clients, and if the opportunity to change was available, he would in fact change his attire to something more suited for the event. Yes, his wife did know better, but I also knew better than to argue with a pig headed man.

      How a man dresses is really minimal in the scheme of things, and therefore I guess I could let it go, but other important aspects of a man are not so easily over looked. I thought my classless ex hubby could in deed fake class, and manners as to be with me, and I was right... I was right for a short period of time. While money can buy a lot of things, it is not able to buy many more things of value and importance. Money could buy exes of mine their education, and the ability to speak well, and have proper grammar, but it could not buy them class. Class is not bought, class is not learned, and class is not faked. Class is something one either has, or has not, and one with class will eventually not be able to be with someone without class. Money can buy a man an expensive suit, but money can not buy a man the manners to go with that expensive suit. While we women may attempt to teach our men excellent etiquette, we will not be able to have our men maintain proper etiquette. I suppose if a woman wants to be Nellie the nag, constantly telling her hubby the dos and don't of having good manners, that woman can have her perfect man. I and many other women care not to be a woman that is forever breathing down her man's back. And while money can aid men in attracting beautiful women money can not buy men morals. Bottom line is, if a man has no morals or values when one meets him, he will not be the upstanding man one wants him to be. A woman can do handsprings and handstands in attempting to keep her man happy as so he will not cheat, but if a man is without scruples, nothing will stop him. 

      Reform a man? No, I care not to put one ounce of effort into reforming a man. A man should be the man a woman wants when she meets him. A man's mother is who should have taught a man his morals. A man's mother should have also taught her son how to treat a woman, how to treat others, how to dress for success, how to behave at a dinner party, and how to be a real man. A woman is not a reform school. A man's mother is a man's reform school. A woman is not to be a man's second mother, a man already has a mother. If a man is not a gentleman when a woman meets him that woman should blame the man's mother and move on. I personally have zero desire to mold a man or "reform" a man into what I want him to be for me. I feel a man should be who he wants to be, and not what a woman wants him to be.  Men are not dogs. As many women like to say that men are indeed "trainable", I say they are far from it. Not only that as I am not the best at training my dogs I fear I am far worse at training men. Bottom line, if a man is not what I want from the start, I let him be. I let that man be, and move on, as to be available for the man I care not to send to, "The Sean Bianca Reform School For Men". Yes, I've learned and as hindsight's 20/20 I am still walking, or running away and saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The Perfect Man!




         The perfect man. Who is he, where is he, and does he exist? No the perfect man does not exist, just as the perfect woman fails to exist. To be human is to make errors, and while neither men nor women are perfect, they are both perfect in making errors. In thinking of the perfect man it came to me that while the perfect man is only in many a woman's dreams, a perfect man for me is a distinct possibility.


        Who is the perfect man for Sean Bianca? That was the question asked of me by a friend at dinner. I was told by my dear friend that if I wrote all that I wanted in a man, one day I would meet that man. Personally I see hell freezing over first, but then again, who knows what the future holds? With positive thinking my "Mr. Perfect" could someday hit me over the head and surprise me.

       So, who is this perfect man for me? Personally I think the perfect man or near perfect man, is what anyone's near perfect partner should be. I believe that when it comes to true love we all want the same things in a partner. So, who is the near perfect partner? Where to begin? Well, first and foremost, this man is attractive, and I am attracted to him, and I think everyone should want someone with whom they are insanely attracted. I'm over the whole "oh give a guy a chance and he'll grow on you!" No. Never again will I give a man a chance who I am not the least bit attracted to in a first, or second meeting. Numerous men and women have said to me, "you're too focused on looks, give a guy a chance!" Wrong! Sure I do like an attractive man, but I am not attracted to EVERY good looking man. Just as men are not attracted to women just because they're gorgeous, women are not attracted to men just due to their being incredibly handsome, it's much more than that. There's something called "chemistry", and it's either there or it's not. If a couple is without chemistry in the beginning, I wish them well. Those who have people "grow" on them, have nothing but a dreadful future ahead of them.

        As being attracted to a partner is of the utmost importance in a relationship, I believe friendship to be just as important. While being attracted to a significant other is downright fabulous for a spectacular sex life, being best friends is just as important, if not more important. Men and women who are immensely attracted to one another might like to have sex 24/7, but they do have to come up for air now and then, and when they do, I feel it is a necessity that the perfect partner be a "best friend." By best friend, I am speaking of a man with whom I have fun, with whom I enjoy chatting, with whom I can depend,  and with whom I am there for as well. I want a man that makes me laugh. I want a man that adores me, but at the same time challenges me. I don't want a doormat, but I don't want a drill sergeant either. I don't need a man to show me "the real world" after wining and dining me endlessly. Too too many men seem to treat women like princesses prior to walking down the aisle, to only end up treating them like servants after the "I dos" have been said. Unfortunately I have first hand experience. I'll never forget the words of my "ex", he stated that he was going to show me the real world as I had grown up with a silver spoon in my little mouth." Yes that's the way to treat a woman or any partner, get them and treat them less than, what every woman should strive for. I don't think so. I know so. I want a best friend with chemistry with whom I feel equal.

              While laughing, crying, chatting and kidding around is imperative, I also feel commonalities are also of importance when finding the perfect partner. While I am a strong beleiver in men and women having their own interests I also believe that the couple that plays together stays together. WHen I got married to my now ex husband I thought I had found someone that enjoyed many of the same activities that I enjoyed. Tennis, golf, running, walking the dogs, politics, and religion, we had it all, or so I thought. Of course there were some differences but I truly thought I had found a "buddy" with whom I could have fun. I was oh so very very wrong. Tennis was disastrous. While I was a teaching tennis professional and clearly better than him, I looked forward to helping him get better, he resented my being a tennis pro and was not a joy to be with on court. My ex would not take one iota of advice, was not good at receiving instruction, only wanted to compete and hated losing to his wife. And so we ceased to play tennis by our 2nd year of our four year marriage. Golf was fun, but only if I let the next "Tiger" get to me with his temper and beat me. Instead of being happy with a wife that could hit a golf ball and play with the men, he despised it, and therefore we rode in separate carts. Yes that's what I wanted, a husband in one cart complaining to our accountant and me another cart either alone or with another man in our group. Oh we had such good times. I'm still surprised I never made the evening news as a wife being clubbed to death by her hubby on the eighteenth green! Running, we stopped after only months of marital bliss, politics we disagreed as he had lied to me as to which political affiliation he was, and religion, well he lied about that as well. And oh how could I forget that we no longer walked the dogs after this far from perfect man almost hung our dog? Commonalities are I believe key in a relationship, but one must be honest in just what common interests they truly have with another, and one must truly enjoy sharing those common interests with their partner.

       People say looking back is pointless, but in affairs of the heart I believe it to be essential. Making mistakes in choosing a partner is anything but fun. In my opinion we should all look back on failed relationships as to learn what does and doesn't work. Attraction my number one requirement was ignored when I got married. I'm sad to say I did it. I let my ex  hubby grown on me and therefore I ended up in a failed marriage. Had I not gone with it I would not be where I am today. Then again as cliche as it sounds, "everything happens for a reason". I was 35 when I got married and if I had it to do all over again, I never would have gotten married when I did, I'd have waited for "the perfect partner", for me. While I may have failed once I hope to not fail again and therefore until the near perfect man for "me" comes along, I'm walking away and saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015