Friday, July 3, 2015

Marriage And Happiness!

   Well the secret to a joyous life is out, it's official folks, married people are happier people. According to a recent study it's a fact that those men and women that have made the trip down the aisle are happier than those who have not gone down the aisle. Upon hearing this recent study I must admit that I was somewhat surprised. Clearly this study did not include couples at each other's throats like that of my now ex-husband and I. For that matter the study did not include the likes of many of the couples who I have known. That all being said, I for one would love to know what couples this study did include. The last I heard at least fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. Quite obviously I the study was composed of the fifty percent that has not yet divorced.

         Marriage and happiness, interesting as I would not put those two words together based on my marriage. Marriage and hell would be more like my analogy, but then I didn't marry the love of my life. Shame on me for settling. Lesson to be learned, settle with the wrong one and marriage will not equate happiness, it will equate guaranteed lifelong misery, and suffering. Think I'm kidding, just try it, it's sheer hell on earth. However, according to this recent study of actual happy couples, marriage does make one happier than being flying solo. Well isn't that a bit of sunshine folks? Just what we singles want to hear! Well, I think it's just great, for those of whom are in happy marriages that is. I'm happy for them. Why I'm thrilled to pieces to know that happily married couples are happier than single people .Yes, I am seriously, why I am just overflowing with joy that marrieds are happier than singles.

         Bitter? No. Envious? Perhaps, or more a feeling of why not me? I'm quite sure I am not alone in my feeling of "why not me?" Why not, us of whom are single, divorced, or widowed? Why didn't we get so lucky as to find our soul mate, so we too could be happier as a married person than as a single person? I do believe that the men and women that found their "one" and married, are happier than we of whom have not found our "one", and are still single or are divorced. I am of the opinion that many people fool themselves into believing that being single is better. I think many single men believe that being macho and studly, is whats most important. I think many independent and loose women feel their way, is the way to everlasting happiness. I disagree. The married couples that are happy couples, they've got it all, they really do. 

    From the beginning of time the man upstairs wanted men and women to marry, procreate, grow old, and die together. For awhile people went with that. Somewhere down the road many got selfish and decided marriage and family was not where it was at. For that I believe we've lost our way as a culture. I believe far too many men and women marry for the wrong reasons hence giving marriage a bad name. In that regard I find a recent study concluding that married people are happier people, refreshing. For those couples that have married their true love, built a life, and are growing old together, I say congratulations.  I truly believe that those are the couples that found the key to what life is all about. 

      All one needs to do to see that married people are happier people is to look at a crotchety old single man, or a catty old single woman. In observance one is able to see that the single life is not kind. Let's face it those handsome brooding men who may well have conquered women near and far, do not stay handsome forever. No Steven the super stud at seventy can be spotted sporting nose and ear hair. I ask what is up with that? For some unknown reason, nostril and ear hair seems to grow on elderly men like weeds, and their eyebrows become unruly. I guess old age prevents these men from using tweezers. On second thought it is probably due to not having a wife who owns tweezers and a wife to tell him that he is overgrown and unkempt. Not only that as per a recent conversation with a married woman I was informed of unmentionable things happening to aging men. Apparently "things" begin to deteriorate that one didn't know could. From the expression on this happily married woman's face I was afraid to ask. Needless to say she did say those "things" happening" are far easier with someone with whom one grows old with, and not something one would want to experience off the bat. Likewise, it is far easier to grow old 'with" a woman than to get her as a senior citizen. Suzy the skinny super slut who thought she was all that, and didn't care to settle down doesn't fare too well either, but better than her male counterparts. As women are far more apt to go under the knife, women do preserve themselves better than men, or do they? Meet Suzy super slut at sixty, and she's blown up with fillers, pulled,tucked and lifted, bitter,and bitchy, and is a prime of example of married people being happier people.

      Married people are happier people? Do I buy it? I buy i,t with the couples that married for love. Those whom have found their perfect partner have what I, and so many of us have always wanted, a best friend with chemistry. Those people have someone to call with good or bad news, have someone to have their back, as they have theirs. Married people have someone to go home to, or someone who's home for them. Married people have someone with whom to share their hopes and dreams, and someone to encourage to pursue their hopes and dreams. Married people make "love" and not do "it" just for sex. Married people have someone with whom to cuddle, and someone with whom to tell to get away when it's too hot and their warmth is unneeded. Married people who are "happily married" I believe are indeed happier people. As many of us may be asking "why not me", we also can find happiness in knowing that the fairy tale of marriage and happily ever after, does in fact exist. I settled when I married and I now know that happy marriages do exist, and for that I am hopeful as we all should be. I would like to someday meet the "right" one and be part of that study of the married people whom are happier people. Yes I do admit I would like to again marry, but I would never again settle. As much as studies tout how married people are happier people, I don't totally agree. The fact is one is happier being single and unmarried, than being with the wrong one and married, and therefore I am still saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Sunday, June 21, 2015

The Eternal Bachelor And Why To Stay Away!


"No one's going to land me", he says. "No woman will ever get me down the aisle", he exclaims! " "I'll never be trapped into being with just one woman!" Statements commonly made by the eternal bachelor. The "eternal bachelor", cocky, confident, cool, cunning, sometimes charming, and ever so comfortable in his ways. This man is "the" man.   He is a force to be reckoned with, that is if one gets close enough, but then again who'd want to? Surprisingly more women than one might think. Count me in as one, yes I married an "eternal bachelor", and hence why I am divorced.

        If one had asked me in 2003 what I thought of the terms "confirmed bachelor", and "eternal bachelor", I would have said that it was nonsense. I did not believe in confirmed bachelors because I knew better. My take was that the "right" woman had not yet come along. Yes, I was of the belief that if a woman was the best thing since sliced bread she could land an "eternal bachelor". This woman had to be pretty spectacular, she'd have to be "cool", she'd have to be "smart", she'd have to be enchanting, unique and simply spectacular, but the right woman could indeed capture the confirmed bachelor. Why did I have this philosophy? Simple. Mission accomplished. I landed a confirmed bachelor, and I was living proof that it could be done, and the fact that I lived through it to tell my story is also proof that miracles do in fact exist!

         Four years I was married to the eternal bachelor. Four long years. Four years of which seemed more like forty years of my life, were wasted on my "eternal bachelor", and as hindsight is twenty twenty, I would have done things a whole heck of a lot differently, starting with, I never ever would have married him! I took four years of my little life and spent it with a self centered, selfish, egotistical, eternal bachelor. Four years of which could have been well spent on leaving myself open to meet a more normal guy. A guy that truly wanted to be married and wanted a partner in life. Bitter? No, but I do regret making a decision that may well have been the absolute stupidest decision I ever made in my life.

       Were there signs? Oh yes, there were signs, oh were there ever. Prior to my marrying this man, he made a comment to my mother that I was "a wife in training", and if that wasn't a red flag, I don't know what was. One trains a dog, not a woman! Next, this man barely told anyone that he was engaged to be married. That's another serious red flag. If a man doesn't want everyone from here to Timbucktu to know that he's getting married, it's a problem. Men who are happy about getting married, tell everyone and anyone and when they do, they "glow". Yes, even men "glow" when they're in love, it's actually quite cute. Lastly, when I was ill with a horrible cold prior to our marriage, my ex hubby went on with his plans to attend a basketball game with clients. Clients who wanted to set him up with a family member. Yes, there were signs and due to my so desperately wanting to be married, I forged ahead and conquered.

       Funny, after three months of dating I had a ring. Six months after that I was married. I thought I had done the impossible, and conquered the "eternal bachelor".  A confirmed bachelor is not one wants to conquer. Conquer and win him, and what you obtain is a man who is selfish, self centered, set in his ways, and simply impossible to live with. Seriously. In living with one of these types I felt like a visitor in what was to be my own home. I found out many things while married to this man. I learned that I did not know how to load a dish washer, I was unaware of how to put a bag in a garbage can, I was not correct in how I made a salad, I was not a good dog washer, and need I go on? I never knew how many things I did wrong until I got married. Frankly I don't know how I managed to make it through life without the aid of my ex hubby, why he knew it all ! No he didn't. My ex hubby was far from knowing it all. My ex was simply an "eternal bachelor" that had lived his whole life "his way", that it was the only way. 

        In my opinion these confirmed bachelors should stay single. I think these men do an incredible disservice if they do marry. These are men that have lived alone far too long, and are set in their ways, ways that will never be changed. Some of these men may well have lived with women, but one can't say that's a plus for the eternal bachelor as it is not. Men who have only lived with women, lived with women who probably catered to them day in and day out as they were hoping to some day be surprised with a ring, a ring that never transpired. I know my ex hubby lived with several women, and they all killed themselves in trying to please this man and guess what? He never married any of them, he married me. Perhaps I was wrong in not living with him prior to marriage, as I would have known what to expect. After month one I would have surely packed up, and run for the hills! He like many other eternal bachelors never should have married. These men are men that have been on their own for far too long to ever be a  good partner, much less a good husband to anyone, and there's nothing wrong with that. What is wrong, is when these confirmed bachelors get a moronic thought in their head that says, "gee, I think I'd like to be married and have woman around!" Shut the door on that thought if this man is past the age of 50, and think long and hard if the man is 40. My ex hubby was 41. The results may not be pretty.

        The "eternal bachelor" is what he is, a confirmed bachelor. This man is not a bad man, he is just a man that should probably never make that trip down the aisle. Are there exceptions? Of course as there are always exceptions, but one must heed the warnings as to what a man's motives are, like does this man just want a woman to do his errands and be at home when he comes home so he has a sure thing, or does he really want a partner to grow old with and with whom to build a life? The truth is I do think many confirmed bachelors regret their decision to be alone. I'll never forget a conversation I overheard between a group of men after Hurricane Andrew, it was hysterical. As these men were to go out of town on business they were discussing how nice it was that they had their wives to take care of the nearly destroyed homes while they were away. Well the grumpy old eternal bachelor stood there, listened, and then piped out, "it sure would be nice to have a wife right about now, she could do things for me!" Now wouldn't he be a catch for a girl wanting to conquer the "eternal bachelor"? I think not and that is why when I see an eternal bachelor I now walk away and say, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Friday, June 12, 2015

Reforming A Man!

  "You find a man and make him what you want him to be, or you reform him", this was advice given to me by a friend or two, as a twenty something. Apparently this advice is still given to women today as I watched a woman on television give the very same advice to women today. Reform a man? Seriously I thought the time to reform a man was when a man was a teenager. I believe that's when actual "reform schools", came in handy. Well newsflash I have no interest in taking on a man as a project and "reforming him", into what I want a man to be. I believe a man should already be "the perfect man" for me, or I don't want him, and chances are other women should not want him either!

      Reform a man? Are you kidding me? No I'm perfectly serious. There are people out there that actually believe one can mold a man into what they want a man to be. I say "good luck with that!" If a man is not what a woman wants from the start, that same man is not going to be the man a woman wants down the road either. I do believe men may well play the part of being what their woman wants them to be as to get the woman they want, but once he has her, bam! Bam that man instantaneously turns right back into the man he was when the woman met him. If a man was a poor dresser in the beginning he will resort back to being a poor dresser again. If a man is a disrespectful dipstick, he will become one again. If a man is a resentful ungiving gift giver he will again be a schmuck in the gift giving department. If a man is without morals, manners, and class, he will no doubt resort back to his classless days. Like they say, "you can't change the stripes on a tiger", or was it a zebra? Whatever the old cliche is, it also pertains to a man. One can not "reform", or change a man! What a man is, is what a man is, love him now or love him never.

    I'm sorry to put a damper on things, but I speak the truth. The lesson to be learned is, you can't change a man. No you can't mold a man, and you can not reform a man into the man you wish to have in your life, and live happily ever after. It just doesn't work. I know I've tried. I've dressed men up, and when I was not around to style them the result was less than spectacular. Hell many times the result was downright dreadful. As a married woman I tried many times to dress up my husband, and the result was complete disgust on his part, and knock down drag out fights. Eventually I tired of trying to have my husband be chic sophisticated hubby I wanted him to be. I guess I felt as an attorney he should always look like a success when out and about, he felt differently. Funny enough more times than no,t my ex hubby would be embarrassed at how he was dressed when with clients, and if the opportunity to change was available, he would in fact change his attire to something more suited for the event. Yes, his wife did know better, but I also knew better than to argue with a pig headed man.

      How a man dresses is really minimal in the scheme of things, and therefore I guess I could let it go, but other important aspects of a man are not so easily over looked. I thought my classless ex hubby could in deed fake class, and manners as to be with me, and I was right... I was right for a short period of time. While money can buy a lot of things, it is not able to buy many more things of value and importance. Money could buy exes of mine their education, and the ability to speak well, and have proper grammar, but it could not buy them class. Class is not bought, class is not learned, and class is not faked. Class is something one either has, or has not, and one with class will eventually not be able to be with someone without class. Money can buy a man an expensive suit, but money can not buy a man the manners to go with that expensive suit. While we women may attempt to teach our men excellent etiquette, we will not be able to have our men maintain proper etiquette. I suppose if a woman wants to be Nellie the nag, constantly telling her hubby the dos and don't of having good manners, that woman can have her perfect man. I and many other women care not to be a woman that is forever breathing down her man's back. And while money can aid men in attracting beautiful women money can not buy men morals. Bottom line is, if a man has no morals or values when one meets him, he will not be the upstanding man one wants him to be. A woman can do handsprings and handstands in attempting to keep her man happy as so he will not cheat, but if a man is without scruples, nothing will stop him. 

      Reform a man? No, I care not to put one ounce of effort into reforming a man. A man should be the man a woman wants when she meets him. A man's mother is who should have taught a man his morals. A man's mother should have also taught her son how to treat a woman, how to treat others, how to dress for success, how to behave at a dinner party, and how to be a real man. A woman is not a reform school. A man's mother is a man's reform school. A woman is not to be a man's second mother, a man already has a mother. If a man is not a gentleman when a woman meets him that woman should blame the man's mother and move on. I personally have zero desire to mold a man or "reform" a man into what I want him to be for me. I feel a man should be who he wants to be, and not what a woman wants him to be.  Men are not dogs. As many women like to say that men are indeed "trainable", I say they are far from it. Not only that as I am not the best at training my dogs I fear I am far worse at training men. Bottom line, if a man is not what I want from the start, I let him be. I let that man be, and move on, as to be available for the man I care not to send to, "The Sean Bianca Reform School For Men". Yes, I've learned and as hindsight's 20/20 I am still walking, or running away and saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The Perfect Man!

         The perfect man. Who is he, where is he, and does he exist? No the perfect man does not exist, just as the perfect woman fails to exist. To be human is to make errors, and while neither men nor women are perfect, they are both perfect in making errors. In thinking of the perfect man it came to me that while the perfect man is only in many a woman's dreams, a perfect man for me is a distinct possibility.

        Who is the perfect man for Sean Bianca? That was the question asked of me by a friend at dinner. I was told by my dear friend that if I wrote all that I wanted in a man, one day I would meet that man. Personally I see hell freezing over first, but then again, who knows what the future holds? With positive thinking my "Mr. Perfect" could someday hit me over the head and surprise me.

       So, who is this perfect man for me? Personally I think the perfect man or near perfect man, is what anyone's near perfect partner should be. I believe that when it comes to true love we all want the same things in a partner. So, who is the near perfect partner? Where to begin? Well, first and foremost, this man is attractive, and I am attracted to him, and I think everyone should want someone with whom they are insanely attracted. I'm over the whole "oh give a guy a chance and he'll grow on you!" No. Never again will I give a man a chance who I am not the least bit attracted to in a first, or second meeting. Numerous men and women have said to me, "you're too focused on looks, give a guy a chance!" Wrong! Sure I do like an attractive man, but I am not attracted to EVERY good looking man. Just as men are not attracted to women just because they're gorgeous, women are not attracted to men just due to their being incredibly handsome, it's much more than that. There's something called "chemistry", and it's either there or it's not. If a couple is without chemistry in the beginning, I wish them well. Those who have people "grow" on them, have nothing but a dreadful future ahead of them.

        As being attracted to a partner is of the utmost importance in a relationship, I believe friendship to be just as important. While being attracted to a significant other is downright fabulous for a spectacular sex life, being best friends is just as important, if not more important. Men and women who are immensely attracted to one another might like to have sex 24/7, but they do have to come up for air now and then, and when they do, I feel it is a necessity that the perfect partner be a "best friend." By best friend, I am speaking of a man with whom I have fun, with whom I enjoy chatting, with whom I can depend,  and with whom I am there for as well. I want a man that makes me laugh. I want a man that adores me, but at the same time challenges me. I don't want a doormat, but I don't want a drill sergeant either. I don't need a man to show me "the real world" after wining and dining me endlessly. Too too many men seem to treat women like princesses prior to walking down the aisle, to only end up treating them like servants after the "I dos" have been said. Unfortunately I have first hand experience. I'll never forget the words of my "ex", he stated that he was going to show me the real world as I had grown up with a silver spoon in my little mouth." Yes that's the way to treat a woman or any partner, get them and treat them less than, what every woman should strive for. I don't think so. I know so. I want a best friend with chemistry with whom I feel equal.

              While laughing, crying, chatting and kidding around is imperative, I also feel commonalities are also of importance when finding the perfect partner. While I am a strong beleiver in men and women having their own interests I also believe that the couple that plays together stays together. WHen I got married to my now ex husband I thought I had found someone that enjoyed many of the same activities that I enjoyed. Tennis, golf, running, walking the dogs, politics, and religion, we had it all, or so I thought. Of course there were some differences but I truly thought I had found a "buddy" with whom I could have fun. I was oh so very very wrong. Tennis was disastrous. While I was a teaching tennis professional and clearly better than him, I looked forward to helping him get better, he resented my being a tennis pro and was not a joy to be with on court. My ex would not take one iota of advice, was not good at receiving instruction, only wanted to compete and hated losing to his wife. And so we ceased to play tennis by our 2nd year of our four year marriage. Golf was fun, but only if I let the next "Tiger" get to me with his temper and beat me. Instead of being happy with a wife that could hit a golf ball and play with the men, he despised it, and therefore we rode in separate carts. Yes that's what I wanted, a husband in one cart complaining to our accountant and me another cart either alone or with another man in our group. Oh we had such good times. I'm still surprised I never made the evening news as a wife being clubbed to death by her hubby on the eighteenth green! Running, we stopped after only months of marital bliss, politics we disagreed as he had lied to me as to which political affiliation he was, and religion, well he lied about that as well. And oh how could I forget that we no longer walked the dogs after this far from perfect man almost hung our dog? Commonalities are I believe key in a relationship, but one must be honest in just what common interests they truly have with another, and one must truly enjoy sharing those common interests with their partner.

       People say looking back is pointless, but in affairs of the heart I believe it to be essential. Making mistakes in choosing a partner is anything but fun. In my opinion we should all look back on failed relationships as to learn what does and doesn't work. Attraction my number one requirement was ignored when I got married. I'm sad to say I did it. I let my ex  hubby grown on me and therefore I ended up in a failed marriage. Had I not gone with it I would not be where I am today. Then again as cliche as it sounds, "everything happens for a reason". I was 35 when I got married and if I had it to do all over again, I never would have gotten married when I did, I'd have waited for "the perfect partner", for me. While I may have failed once I hope to not fail again and therefore until the near perfect man for "me" comes along, I'm walking away and saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015


Friday, May 29, 2015

More Likely To Be Hit By A Terrorist Attack...

       There was a time when I was not much fond of having girlfriends. I didn't trust them, I found them catty, and I also found them to be kill joys. I continued having male friendships until it got "complicated". By complicated I am speaking of the men with whom I was friends, wanting to sleep with me. I then realized if I was to have friends I'd have to succumb and have female friends. Fortunately I have found female friends that seem to think how I think. At the same time women are women and can still be the queens of doom and gloom. Case in point my being told the other day by a female friend, that she and I  both were more likely to be hit by a terrorist attack than meet a man!

      So much for positive thinking. It's hard enough to stay positive with disappointment after disappointment in regards to men, but come on! I may not have met "the one" yet, but deep down I do believe he is out there. I also believe "the one" is out there for everyone in their time. Unfortunately being told that I'm more likely to be blown up, than meet a great guy is not real helpful in my attempting to have a positive attitude while unattached.Talk about negative, Jeez after hearing that I might as well just jump off a bridge!

    The truth is meeting the right guy or girl is tough for both men and women. We all go through it. No one likes dating, especially after 30. It's sort of, been there, done that, and oh no I have to go out there AGAIN? Hence why so many people stay in miserable relationships. I guess people would rather stay with the old, and be in hellish, boring relationships than attempt to meet someone new. People know it may take weeks, months or possibly even years before finding someone with whom they have a real connection. Hell one might even die before ever finding the right one according to my Debbie The Downer friend. Like she says "we are much more likely to get hit by terrorists than meet a good man".

    Nope, I'm not buying it. I just am not going to believe that I have a better chance of being killed by terrorists than meeting the right guy. I think if he's out there, and I think he is, it'll happen. As I truly still believe in true love, I am continuing to stay away from those who are not good for me, and I am continuing to not settle for just any guy, as well I should.  I know what I want and until it finds me, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Was I Drunk?

          I once stated that without the aid of a cocktail and clouded judgement, there weren't any men worth meeting, and I have yet to be proven wrong. Unfortunately most men and women are under the influence of alcohol when they meet a prospective partner for the first time. Not only are many people somewhat tippsy when they are first attracted to someone, but they are somewhat inebriated a fair amount of time while in a relationship. That being said leaves me to ask if people in disastrous relationships were drunk throughout their entire relationships?

         I know I personally now look back and am quite certain that I was out of my mind during several relationships. While I might like to blame my poor choices on my being drunk I am afraid I can not. Thankfully I have never hit the bottle on a daily basis and therefore I can not say that I was hammered through a relationship's entirety. Then again while being courted I did enjoy a cocktail or two, and I am convinced that those cocktails were my demise. The truth is had it not been for a drink here and there with dinner, I might never have gotten involved with some of the men whom I dated. For that matter had it not been for a glass or two of bubbly I might never have married my ex husband. Let it be said that until one spends time with another without being even the slightest bit buzzed one should not get involved with another.

     I was seventeen years old when I met a guy whom I thought to be a  very cute football player from the University Of Miami. It was a Frat party in the dark, and it was a keg party.Being that I never was very fond of beer, I had only one full cup of beer, as to have a slight buzz. I went home with hopes that this guy might be interested in me. Well, the next day I did see this footballer whom I was so taken with the night before, and it was daylight. Not only was it the bright of day but I did not have the sensation I had had the night before from a solo cup of beer. Clearly the darkness and the slight buzz had turned this guy into something he was not. As far as I was concerned this person was an impostor. Well, put on those infamous beer goggles, and even the homeliest can look pretty fine. I should have learned early on to never drink alcohol when single. Clearly when under the influence one is without the capacity to determine whether a person is attractive, let alone decide if a person is someone with whom one would like to get to know better.

         While I wish I could say that I was downright polluted while my ex husband was courting me, I was not. However did I enjoy a drink or two when we went out? Yes, and had I never had a glass of my favorite champagne with my now ex hubby I might not ever have gotten involved with him. The same can be said for an ex boyfriend or two. The truth is alcohol does makes even the plainest person dynamic. Even if one has only one drink while with another their ability to judge another is completely gone. A person who might not appeal to us in the least bit while sober suddenly becomes the hottest, funniest, and  most intelligent person we've ever met! While we may not be drunk every minute we are with a significant other, we do get used to the significant other whom we became attracted to after having a drink or two. What happens is the person grows on us like a fungus. The end result is we wrongly think we are in love with someone with whom we are not. Thanks to alcohol many of us end up dating and or marrying people whom we might never have, had it not been for alcohol.

          I am convinced that one should only get involved with someone whom they have met and spent time with sober. I want a significant other whom I'm crazy about without a drink. I want a partner who I can  communicate and laugh with, without being buzzed. Unfortunately in dating our dates all consist of a bottle of wine, or cocktails than dinner. Therefore at the most important time of getting to know someone, we are not really getting to know someone. Think of the time that is wasted on people whom we might never have gotten involved with had it not been for alcohol. Couples should drink after they've gotten to know one another, not before. It's the couples that feel comfortable with one another and have fun with one another without being tipsy that have the real thing. I for one don;t want a man to grow on me like a fungus. I personally would rather be attracted to someone at first sight. I also would rather have someone with whom I do not need to loosen up with a glass of chablis in order to enjoy the evening. I think couples should get to know one another before having cocktails. If a couple is truly crazy about one another after a month, then if one so chooses, celebrate with a glass of Dom or Vueve. I know for myself, I want a man who turns me on, and makes me laugh, without the aid of being somewhat intoxicated, and until I find him, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Friday, May 15, 2015

That's Why I'm Single!

      "I can do whatever I want to do,that's why I'm single", says the attractive young bachelor. I never really thought about it, until this man pointed it out, but he's right. Being single does have it's advantages and while one is unattached one should enjoy every living, breathing moment of it. It is my belief that many men and women waste far too much time moping about their not having someone, when they could be thoroughly enjoying their spare time, and freedom!

     The world can be, and should be a single person's oyster, if only everyone could have the right attitude. Why? Simple. When one is single, one's time is their own, and that is simply sensational. Feel like playing a few more holes of golf or tennis before heading home? No problem. Want to workout a bit longer and work off a few more calories? Done. Chatting it up endlessly about nothing with someone whom you ran into at the grocery store? No problem. Feel like hitting the mall and casually strolling and shopping? No worries. As a single time is one's own, and one is able to spend as much time doing what they feel like doing, which can be pretty phenomenal. 

     Time is not the only advantage in being single. How one chooses to live their life without being critiqued, is another advantage to being single. One is able to eat what and where they want to eat. As ridiculous as it sounds such is true. Case in point, as a single I ate at The Greenstreet Cafe, in Coconut Grove, Florida, some four to five times a week. I loved the place. Clearly. It was a sidewalk cafe' where I usually ran into a friend or friends. Greenstreet was like my "Cheers" where I knew the owner, and everyone knew my name. I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner there and it was my place! Well "my place" was no longer "my place" after I got married. PM, as in post marriage I was lucky if I ate at Greenstreet half a dozen times a year. "My place" where I could get seated during the busiest times ,rarely saw me anymore, thanks to my now ex hubby. Hence one of the many reasons he is an ex hubby!

       As going to our favorite eating establishments is a plus when single, so is what we eat and how much we eat. As a single I at times have been known to happily consume pints of "Talenti Gelato". While I don't pig out on a pint of ice cream every night I do so, now and then. Never could I guiltlessly enjoy my gelato in front of a significant other. Likewise I would also have difficulty eating half a pizza with a boyfriend for fear of being told I should cut back. As a single I can scarf down as much pizza, pasta, gelato and chocolate chip cookies as I please. When not involved, one can over indulge till they're sick, and no one is there to say a thing about it. Nope no one is there to say "don't you think you've had enough?" There's real beauty in that!

       When single, I have to admit that I do seem to do a whole lot of something and a whole lot of nothing, and I enjoy myself tremendously. When solo I work out more, I play more golf, I take long walks on the beach, and I hang out more with my dogs, friends, and family. I also organize, or shall I say I attempt to organize. During one period when I was single I actually photographed my shoes and attached the pictures to my shoe boxes. It was a project that would never have taken place had I been otherwise involved. While single I have also been known to clear out my closets, bathroom cabinets and even the garage. When single I am quite the organizing extraordinaire! Such organizing would never take place if I were always dating someone. Never, and that's why I'm single!

        So, as I am solo, alone and not seriously dating anyone, I can pretty much do what I want to do, and that's just grand. Yep, it's grand alright. I can pig out on pizza, be a foodie at my same restaurants again, and again. I can gulp down gelato, play golf till sundown, and organize the world. Yes being single is something, but after awhile it gets monotonous and old just like everything. The truth is, being single is better than being with the wrong person, but it's not the end all be all. As a single our time is our own, as there is no one to go home to, or get ready to see. As eating is enjoyable, it's also more enjoyable to share the fun of gorging oneself with another. Think about it, if alone one can't turn to their significant other and say, "oh honey you have got to try this, this is to die for, melt in your mouth!" Somehow food isn't quite as thrilling after awhile. Likewise, if one travels alone they have no one with whom they can share the excitement and the experience. They have no one to take pictures, and no one to talk to, other than strangers. When single one can be king of the remote, but there is no one with whom to snuggle on the couch, laugh at a comedy, or cry with after a tearjerker. If one is single such is true that life is easier, but easy doesn't necessarily equal better. Perhaps we singles are single as we have not yet met our so called "soul mates". Just maybe the trick is to find someone with whom we can be who we are when we are single. Translation,we must find someone who likes many of the same things as we like ourselves. We must also find someone who accepts our likes and dislikes, and lets us be who we are as a single.

     It is said that we must first love ourselves before we can ever love another. If such is the case, than we singles that truly enjoy being single are ahead of the sulking singles, in that we are comfortable being with ourselves. I've heard many men and women say that they'd like to find the opposite sex of themselves. I once thought those who wanted a partner like themselves to be rather arrogant, and self centered, and now I get it. As much as I believe couples need their own lives apart from the other, I also believe couples must have commonalities. I know I personally don't mind at all being alone. I rather like me and I am waiting till I find that best friend with chemistry and until I find that guy, "I'd rather be single...for now!
(c)Sean Bianca2015