Wednesday, January 28, 2015

He Actually "LIKES" Her!

       Dating and marriage today in my opinion has gotten a little too, shall I say "businesslike". In today's world I feel like many singles are choosing partners for who looks best on one's arm, who can pony up the most jewels and trips, and who can take care of the other. Unfortunately many couples today are not choosing partners with whom they have chemistry, really like, and actually care about. Hence why in today's world there are so many failed marriages, and screwed up relationships. It's tough enough to have a long lasting relationship, and as many people are with partners they tolerate or don't even like it's a rarity to see a truly happy couple.

    True love does still exist for those who want it and wait for it. In a recent conversation with a newly married man I was happy to hear that some people still believe in the real thing. This man informed me that he had little to no desire to go out on the town and have a "guys night out". The way he put it was, "I actually really like my wife, and spending time with her". Those words were music to my ears as that's what I and many girlfriends of mine have wanted to hear from a man. A man that no longer needs his nights on the town with the guys because he has a girlfriend or wife that he "wants" to be with. This man told me that his wife was his best friend. I thought that was sweet. I also thought back at what I always said I wanted in a partner, "a best friend with chemistry'.

      Some men would beg to disagree with this man, and if they do I say they haven't met the right one. I guess my feeling is, is that men should have "guy's night out", out of their systems by twenty something. While I do believe men and women need their own lives I think men and women can socialize away from one another in ways that don't involve going out on the town. Women can "lunch", play golf, walk, and shop, while men can golf, play tennis, cycle, grab coffee, or a beer shoot their mouths and watch a game. I guess I feel if a man or women needs a girl's or guy's night out there's something missing in their relationship. My feeling is if either party is out on the town carousing than one is dis satisfied with their relationship and one doesn't really like, much less "love" their partner.

      He actually "likes" her, words I really liked hearing. The funny thing is if many of us actually think about whether or not we really "liked" past partners, we didn't. Funny enough two weeks prior to my marriage I couldn't stand my fiance' and yet I walked to my near death! A bit of an exaggeration but my one and only marriage did nearly kill me. Having had a marriage and a couple of relationships where I did not think of my partner as my best friend and I did not really like them, I know it's not for me. I want a man that actually "likes", me and a man whom I actually like as well. Until I find that man or he finds me, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Friday, January 23, 2015

Legends...

     


        I was once nineteen years old. I was once young, I was attractive, I once had a cute figure, I was athletic and I was cool or at least I thought I was pretty cool.Funny thing is I didn't think twice about the fact that I was all those things and probably more. I was down to earth, and never gave a second thought to what a cute catch I was. No I was just "me". I was "Sean Bianca" who although thought she was pretty cool also had a bit of an inferiority complex, like many young women. Looking back I wish I had known what a catch I was. Perhaps I would have made better choices in men had I thought I was the creme of the crop. Oh how I wish I could have known what I know now, and start my life out again at nineteen, but I am not nineteen and if really I think about it I do not wish to live those years over again.

      Today I am forty something. As much as I hate to say it, I think I am middle aged? Though still in pretty good shape I know I do not have the figure I had at the age of nineteen. I know my face is not as full and plump. I know my toosh isn't as cute and tight nor as high. My chest is also not quite as high either. I know I am not as fast of a runner as I once was. I certainly am not running any two miles in ten minutes. No I am older. I know full well that I am not the "catch" I once was and I need not be told either. Unfortunately today a good many men seem to like to inform women in their thirties and forties that they are not what they once were, but neither are they!

     Newsflash,guys you are not what you once were either! Women are not the only ones aging! I know that men are legends in their own little minds, but I've about had it. I've had it with men that are overweight, and slovenly complaining about women in their thirties, forties on up. Since when does a man  have the right to tell a woman that she shouldn't have any bread with dinner? Since when does a man have a right to tell a girl that if she JUST worked at it, she could be what she was when she was all of twenty two? Since when does any man who is out of shape with a belly, flabby ass, and fat face have a right to demand a perfect firm and taught woman? Since when does a man who is losing his hair on  his head but growing it out his ears and nose, losing his neck but gaining a chin, have any right to criticize a middle aged woman? Since when? I say never! No man has the right to criticize a woman's body, hair or face, especially when he looks like an advertisement for Over eaters anonymous!

     Legends, that is the problem. Most men are indeed legends in their own minds. As I have no doubt that many of these legends were once incredibly good looking, womanizing schmucks that may well at one time have been able to demand perfection, they are not anymore. Unfortunately these so called "legends"do not see themselves as they are now, but as how they once were. I ask do these men have mirrors? If they do own a mirror, do they ever actually look at what's in the mirror? It seems "legends" that demand women with perfect figures are clueless as to what looks back at them in the mirror. Clearly these men do not wish to see that their chin is disappearing into their neck, or that they are not sporting six pack abs, and that their derriere is no longer firm. No these men still see the "Don Juan" of long ago!

   Personally I have had it with "legends". I have had it with these men insulting both me and my friends. As I do not have any unattractive, seriously out of shape friends I can say this, we all look a hell of a lot better than these men! As much as I have been told by men that men age better than women the jury is still out in my opinion. If women have unwanted hair, they remove it, if men have unwanted hair they flaunt it! I guess men that wear their unwanted nose and ear hair are just happy to have some hair so they wear it proudly! Nonetheless I am of the opinion that on the whole women seem to age more gracefully than men. Not all men but a good lot of men.

    Funny enough a friend of mine was actually considering getting to know a man better whom she had recently met. What's even funnier is that she dumped him before they ever got started. He might have had half a shot had he not told her upon seeing an old photograph that she could again look like that if she just started working out! Seriously? Well perhaps he could do a sit up or two, and get rid of his second chin? What is wrong with men? What is wrong with men is they clearly are legends in their own minds. These are men whom refuse to see that they are not what they once were, but feel free to let women know that they are not what they once were. Thankfully not all men feel that they are God's gift to women and that they are still the stud muffins of long ago. Yes thankfully there are some men that are not legends in their own minds and are in touch with reality! As I care not to listen to a "legend", tell me of his wants and needs for perfection I am along with many of my friends saying "I'd rather be single...for now!
(C) Sean Bianca 2015







       
     

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Hole In One!




            Another year has gone by and many of us, myself included are single, and it's okay. Yes being single is "okay".  Being single is not a "death sentence", it's not a curse, and it's not a catastrophe, it's really quite fine. However a good majority of singles do not see being single as fine, but very much not fine. In fact many singles think being alone is quite dreadful. They seem to think it's very much like that of being on death row. Hello, just because one is single does not mean that it is the end of the world. It may feel like the end of the world, and it may feel like life is just full of gloom and doom, but it's not. Just because one is single does not mean the end of life on earth.  Although at times we all have wished for the end of life on earth. It's not, in fact it's far from it. The truth is being alone, can open up a whole new world.

     A whole new world being single? Seriously? Yes. Being single gives one time to do all of the things one doesn't do, but one should do when one is in a relationship. I'm speaking of playing sports, taking classes, traveling, hanging out with friends and or pets. Let me also add that when not dating one also has the opportunity to become "organized", and be "Suzy Homemaker"! When I am single I am so organized, it's scary. Why I am a little organizing hellion when single, hence why being single can be a truly good time.

        Look, I'm not going to lie. Being single downright sucks. I personally deplore being single. Never have I been single for as long as I have until recently,but it's a choice. The fact is, most singles could be with someone if they really wanted to "just" be with someone, and many of us do in fact settle and lower our standards so that we are not single. I've done that and I am the first one to say that "settling" leads to dis-satisfaction, unhappiness, and frustration. We could all be with someone if we really wanted to be with someone, but it's a little more complex when one decides that they want the "right" one and not just "anyone".

        The fact is just about anyone who is single can go out to any place at any time and meet someone whom they can date. Just recently I was asked to again dine with a man who has asked me out numerous times. If I wanted just anyone, I would have said yes, instead I again declined. If I wanted a man some twenty years older ,with lots of money who's all of five feet tall, if that, he would be my man! He's not. Unfortunately this man is not the "right" one for me. This man isn't even the "wrong" one for me. He's just not for me. As the dwarf was not my type I also had a chubby, sweaty, arrogant mess that tried his hand to entice me, and he also failed, along with one or two others. Yes in one night I met several men whom I could most likely be being courted by, but whom I had no interest in being courted by, dined by or anything. Why? "I'd rather be single, and have NO ONE, than waste my time with the"wrong" one.

    A good many singles would prefer to be with the wrong one and have companionship than stay single and wait for the right one. I too have dated many wrong ones and all that I accomplished was not being single and available for the "right" one. The scary thing about dating "Mr. Wrongs", is that they grow on us. These people whom we were just passing time with, us actually grow on us to the point that we actually think that we may be in love with them. We become blinded by desperation for companionship! Scary stuff! I know I've been there, we become blinded until someone comes along who knocks our socks off, or with whom we have much in common, or  with whom we have an intense connection. 

        I and friends have no desire to be with just anyone, and again it's a choice. Most adults would prefer to be in a relationship than not, it's normal! However rather then jump into something with the first dimwit that comes along,I and many others are taking time out to be "single" and that's okay. As being single can enable one to get to know themselves better, likes and dislikes, wants and needs. Being alone has really enabled me to know what I want out of a partner and what I won't settle for, nor should anyone else. I guess you could say I want my next relationship to be like that of a "hole in one"! In being single I have discovered that I want someone with similar interests, and values. I want someone whom has similar political views as well as an animal lover and best friend. I want what I want. I guess I liken being with the "right" one to a near perfect golf swing. An almost perfect golf shot is effortless, as the right relationship should be and the right one just doesn't come along everyday, and that's okay. I and many others have had numerous "mediocre" relationships, and I think we can all agree that being in the "wrong" relationship is painful and I for one am no longer settling for "Mr. Wrongs", and "Mr. For Right Nows",  I want "the one" or that "hole in one" and until I find him, "I'd rather be single...for now?"
(c)Sean Bianca 2014




Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Expectations And Relationships By Request!

       Expectations and relationships, that is the issue. More often than not I have had aspirations for relationships that all seemed to come to a crashing end. Is it that my expectations are too high of others? Is is that I expect too much, or is it that what I hope to come from another person is impossible for that person?

      "You can't polish a turd" is a blunt saying but one that I rather like as it's true. Just like you cant make crap look classy you can't take a derelict and make a distinguished gentleman, or a slut into a sophisticated lady. You also can't take a boy and make a man, or a girl into a woman. I believe all too often our desire to be in relationships causes us to settle for people who are unable to meet our expectations. Some live by the motto, "expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised". Maybe I don't want to be surprised. Maybe I want a person to do and say what they say they are going to say and do. Is that wrong? I say no. Surprises are nice, but in relationships one deserves to have their expectations met and satisfied if one is to be happy.

    Perhaps expectations are unfair. I disagree. I have always had expectations for myself as well as others and there's nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is when I set the bar too high for people that are just incapable of ever reaching the bar which I have set. I guess if one is unable to meet my expectations then I must move on. Unfortunately many times I have not moved on, I have instead stayed in situations with ones with whom will never satisfy my expectations, thus causing misery to both me and my partner. I have a feeling I am not alone in this! Expectations and relationships are a good thing, and I intend to continue to have my expectations not just in others but in myself as well. As I have yet to meet one who is able to meet my expectations, I am happy to say I'd rather be single...for now!  
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Thursday, January 8, 2015

New Years' From Hell!


      New Years Eve, has got to be the most hated night of all nights for singles. Hands down I do believe that New Years is a night where a good majority of singles are convinced that they are the only single people in the the world without a date for New Years Eve. Funny thing is a good many men and women are without date on New Years Eve. Some dateless men and women may not even be single, but are still without a date on New Years Eve. Others are dateless on this all important night as they choose to be alone. Nonetheless, unfortunately, New Years is nothing short of a letdown for most.

   Looking back at previous New Years' I have to say that my best were when I was a child. My parents would go out and leave me home with my ultra "cool" baby sitter. Her name was Stephanie. She was sixteen, pretty, athletic, had long blond hair and a fun filled personality. Stephanie would bring a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne and we would put it on ice to ring in the New Year at midnight. One year Stephanie and I came up with a dance routine to Joe Walsh's "Life's Been Good". When my parents arrived home around one a.m., we performed our dance in matching t-shirts, with kicks, wiggles and lots of giggles. It was fun and truthfully, it was probably when I enjoyed New Years the most. 

     Fast forward to New Years as an adult, and the night of all nights has not been all that. I spent many a New Years with Dick Clark and his "Rockin New Years Eve". Oh how I hated that I was able to spend so many years with "Dick" on the biggest party night of the year. Funny enough I met "Mr. Dick Clark" and informed him that as much as I enjoyed "American Bandstand", I was not all that enthralled to watch the ball drop with him every New Years Eve. "Mr. Dick Clark" and his wife had a good laugh at the expense of my many dateless New Years'. I knew if I was able to watch "Dick", I was without a date on what I once thought to be the single most important night of the year.

     Another fine New Years I did not spend the evening in with "Dick" watching his year end special but I spent it with another infamous person . "O.J. Simpson. Yes I spent a New Years with "O.J.". I had no intention of spending New Years with the ex-pro football player once accused of murder, it just "happened". I was living in Miami at the time and had been invited to a New Years party at a fabulous penthouse in Coconut Grove. Being single I thought it might be a "sign" that I should go as just maybe my "Mr. Right", would be there. Well, a lot of couples were there, and a few "Mr. Wrongs", including "O.J.". Oddly, even he had a date to ring in the New Year, not that it mattered as that night "O.J."only had eyes for me. As I was dressed all in black and had unusually long hair for me, many people noticed how much I resembled his ex-wife. Where ever I went he was there with a grin. As I had met him on numerous occasions I wished him well, and attempted to work my way around the room, with O.J's eyes following  me as I moved about. In spite of his reputation,"Mr. Simpson" was an attractive, likable, funny, and charming fellow. My friends informed me that I only attracted "the best"! Not only did my friends notice, but O.J.'s girlfriend as well. The former footballer was zonked over the head by his girlfriend with her handbag as she had had enough of his attempts at eye contact with yours truly. I left shortly after in somewhat of a depression as my New Years was not ending with my new found "Mr. Right", but with the distinction of O.J. Simpson fancying me.

     The fact is the night of all nights hasn't been anything, but disappointments, trouble, and stress. One year I had a boyfriend without weed, horrors of all horrors. He was just such a pleasure to be around! I do believe that was my first New Years Eve with a date. I was oh so happy prior to the big night and downright miserable by the evening's end. I don't think we even watched the dam ball drop! Presently, some twenty years later we're still in touch and the best of friends.

 One year I did actually manage to have a good time on New Years as I went out with a group of golf pros after 18 holes. It was impromptu, of the cuff, and was a blast. A couple of other New Years' I had the time of my life as I had been somewhat "over served", shall we say? The day after was usually the mother of all hangovers and was a good lesson as to why one should not have more than "one", after the age of 30!

    On another glorious New Years my husband insisted on leaving a party before midnight. Who does that? NO ONE leaves a New Years Eve party before the clock strikes 12! We did. I was so annoyed I couldn't see straight! The following year my ex-hubby and I had our own party where we did not share a word the whole evening. I didn't care as come hell or high-water I was going to enjoy my party and I did. Or did I? That year was the last year of our marriage. I'm sure the demise of our relationship was not much of a shock to anyone who attended our festive New Years extravaganza! 

       As I have had many a miserable, uneventful, or all too eventful New Years', I have to admit that I have not had as bad of an experience as one young woman vacationing in Palm Beach. Unfortunately for this poor girl she has managed to live through what could quite possibly be the worst New Years ever. Poor girl, I'll say as she was literally dumped New Years Eve Day after paying for her boyfriend's round trip plane ticket from New York to Palm Beach. What self respecting young man does this sort of thing?  Her boyfriend that's who. Apparently he arrived December 30th, spent a night, and the next morning had planned for a car to take him to Miami for the big night with his friends. this man was dumped shortly after he left, but after two days of sobbing this young woman was all too happy to forgive him and start the New Year anew. Honestly the power a man can have over a woman blinded by love is astonishing. Upon hearing this woman's New Years from hell and reflecting on my own New Years I thought, "Yup, I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015  

  

    

          

Friday, December 19, 2014

Greedy Girls And Gifts!

         As men are far from perfect, women are less than too. The fact is no one is perfect, but these days many men and women are just brutal when it comes to affairs of the heart. A large majority of men use women for sex, and some women too, but there is also a good many women that use men for what they can get out of a man, and Christmas time is not the exception.

   Christmas, a time of year that should be filled with joy, family, generosity and happiness, is also a time of year filled with greed,and lots of it. I hate to say it but women can be the worst at Christmas time. As I watch men frantically shopping around the holidays, I wonder if the woman for whom he is shopping is as crazy about him as he is for her. Unfortunately all too often, women tend to stick around during the holidays, and stay in unsatisfying relationships. Why? The gift. Yes it's called what can I get out of the poor schmuck that's in love with me? As I many times have ended relationships or not started relationships as to avoid Christmas, some women stay so that they have a boyfriend at Christmas. Rather sick, but true. I never wanted a man whom I was not crazy about to spend money on me for a gift as I would have felt trapped. Yes, I would feel after receiving a gift that I would have to stay. Many other women stay with their men just so that they can get what they can out of the men with whom they have been involved who they have no feelings of love.

     Rather sad. A man takes the time to buy a woman a gift to impress and please her, and she's thinking " what a dumb ass, great gift, but after Christmas, I'm gone!" Sadly many of these using, greedy girls get the nicest gifts. No these women aren't receiving trivial gifts such as perfume, massages, chocolate and flowers. These women get men to buy them diamonds, furs, Chanel and more. It's truly remarkable. I am amazed at how many men truly love greedy girls. The greedy girls are the ones that seem to receive the best gifts and it's really a shame. Greedy girls and gifts, a sad combination during the holidays.

     

 It is said that the choice of a man's gift reflects a man's love for a woman, and I find that to be true. I guess that's why I find women who are not in love, accepting gifts of substantial worth so bad. If a man buys his woman a diamond necklace, it's because he adores her and wants to take her out an observe his gift on his loved one's neck. This man loves this woman and yet this woman does not love him. In my opinion women that plan on dumping their men or who are not in love with their men should not accept gifts of worth. It's not right. It's being shallow, greedy, and downright mean, but then many women are mean.

      How many times do women use men for free drinks and dinner? Several! I had one friend that would flirt with just about any man that would buy her a drink or dinner. I observed more guys fall for her flip of the hair, her flattery, and charm. She was good. And gifts? She got gifts alright, and they weren't from Target, they were from Tiffany's, Gucci, and such. Why this girl could fake liking just about any man. Fat, old, ugly and gross, she charmed them all, and they all took the fall. One guy was a good friend, I begged her not to have this man, who was also my friend take her to an expensive restaurant, but she did, a nice time was had, and she never accepted another date from him again. Greedy girls, they do exist.

     Greedy girls and gifts, that's what they are. Make a man fall in love with you, stick around at Christmas, and see what you can get, it's all a game.Unfortunately it's not a game. Feelings are at stake and although a man may well afford the gift or gifts he's bought, he can not buy his happiness. I'm single this Christmas and I need not be. I too could be being courted during the holidays and yet I choose not to be. I don't want a man who has true feelings for me to spend his time, money and emotion on me if I am not crazy in love with him. It's wrong and that's why "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2014

Thursday, December 18, 2014

How Do I Get Rid Of The Woman In My Place?



         "I need your advice, I have this girl in my apartment and I need a way to get rid of her, do you have any suggestions?" This question was posed to me recently. A man invites a woman to stay with him from out of town, and after a few days decides he's had enough, and is tired of having her around. I must admit I did not feel sorry for this man. I didn't feel badly as before this woman came to visit this man knew that this woman was not for him. My question is why does a man have a woman come to visit whom he is not really into? Next why does a man have sex with a woman with whom he is not in love or crazy about? I suppose the answer is simple. Men want sex and all sensible thinking is thrown by the wayside once the thought of sex enters a man's mind.

     Let me get this straight, a man invites a woman to his home for two weeks and soon after she arrives decides that it isn't working for him? Yes. I can not even begin to imagine. I guess I have a hard time understanding how a man can jump into bed with a woman whom he can not tolerate for more than a few days? Perhaps one should not be doing the somethin somethin with one that they are not just dying to have by their side morning, noon, and night? Just a thought. 

    Is sex that meaningless to men that they need not have much chemistry with a woman to consummate the act? Apparently so. I have difficulty in understanding having sex with someone with whom I am not in love, or at least like for heavens sake. What I have difficulty understanding, men do not. Men from here to East Jesus have sex with women just to get their rocks off. Why? It is my opinion that sex is far better with one whom we are in love, than one we are not. Knowing that, I ask why bother? Why bother, as why have mediocre sex with someone that one does not care to see for more than a hot moment? Why not wait to explode and make mad passionate love? Or is real love and chemistry lost in this day and age of texting, iming, facebooking and instagraming? I'm not impressed. I'm not at all impressed with the hows and whys of men and their choices in whom they sleep with.

      As I was asked how a man could get rid of the woman in his apartment, I ask how could a man have sex with a woman that he does not want around him for more than a screw? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is always a chance that the woman could get pregnant. I guess I have the opinion that if one would not care to have a bouncing baby with a woman then just maybe one should not be having sex with that woman. Just saying. The fact is every time a man sticks it somewhere female, there is a chance that a woman could get pregnant. A good lot of men will say well she can get an abortion. True she could, but what if the woman doesn't want an abortion? Gee bet men never thought of that. Guys just assume that women will get rid of an unwanted baby. Well to assume is to be an ass. Many children are born today out of many a man's wham bam thank you mam!

     I have a question? Aren't men bored with meaningless sex? After 30 doesn't one tire of juggling women and always being on the prowl? As an adult I would hope both men and women would strive for meaningful relationships and not just relationships of sex, fun and pointless meetings? I would also think men would be over the how to get rid of a chic after a night or week of lust. Maybe I just give men too much credit. I like to think that men are capable of thinking with their minds and not their penises. What I like to think and what the reality may be, is quite sad and pathetic in my opinion, but then who am I to judge? Yes indeed who am I to play the devil's advocate?

    Who I am, is someone to whom a question was asked as to how to dump a girl. Well, my advice was one of pure bullshit, but it was what I thought to be the best advice I could give. Essentially how to kick a woman out of your home without looking like a complete shit. Otherwise known as how to polish a turd. Well as life has a funny way of working out, my advice was unneeded. When this man went home he was greeted by a "Dear John" letter. Yes the woman decided to leave before he could kick her out. Score one for the woman! I did mention to this young man that "the Brazilian" as he termed her, probably sensed that she was unwanted and that getting rid of her shouldn't be that hard to accomplish, and I was right! As this man was torn as to how to break it to this woman that he wanted her gone, turned out she wasn't crazy about being there either! I have to ask why did either one of these people jump into bed together? Was it really worth it? They both risked possibly having a baby, or getting a sexual disease for what? For so much nothing I'd say, but whom am I, but a woman that was asked how do I get rid of the girl in my place?

    If one is truly honest with one's self I think they really need to think about with whom they are are having sex. I don't know but lets be blunt, you are sticking your thing into a woman, shouldn't you like the woman? Shouldn't you have fun with the woman and want to actually hang out with the woman for more than the act of sex? Shouldn't you at least be "in like" if not in love? Likewise if you are a woman you are allowing a man to place his unit into your hooha, shouldn't you be somewhat taken by the man? Call me old fashioned but I do feel sex should go back to "making love". Unfortunately today a majority of couples are not in love and I feel that it is the reason for such discontentment in relationships. Perhaps if we take the time to wait for the right one and the real thing to find us, we will someday have the relationship we hope for. We also won't have to figure out how to nicely kick out a woman or man of our apartment. I know if I were a guy that had to deal with how to ditch a girl from my home, or a woman wanting to ditch a man from my home, I'd definitely be saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2014