Thursday, April 23, 2015

The List

          Lists, grocery lists, to do lists, don't forget lists, and so on. We've all made them and a good many of us would be lost without them. Just recently I came across a motivational speaker who suggested that single men and women make a list of their wants and needs from a prospective partner. Simple enough to do, but nearly impossible to find in real life. Then again maybe not if one is patient.

      Funny enough as a teenage girl I made a list. My list was what I wanted in my "Mr. Right. My list read like that of a Christmas list. My list was as follows:
  
                                   "My Mr. Right" (age 13)
                               
     1. Blond hair, whoosh whoosh hair(hair one can run their fingers through)

     2. Blue Eyes

     3. Good looking as in GORGEOUS!

     4. Awesome Tennis Player ( Better than myself preferably a Pro on tour)

     5. Must have an accent, British, Australian, South African and so on ( this requirement was due to my having British, and South African coaches)

       6. "Cool"

       7. Fun, and funny ( In my yearbook senior year I was quoted as saying, "If he can make me laugh, I'm his!)

       8. Must love dogs!

   That was about how my list for my future soul mate panned out. I remember writing my list and feeling quite positive that I would someday, somehow find this man. Now looking at my list I can see just how truly ridiculous my list was. A man being caring, faithful, moral and  just plain nice didn't even enter my mind. I guess I naively assumed men were good and therefore I needn't think about it. Oh how wrong I was. I am amused at my description of my near perfect man. I can't imagine why I never found him. Not only did I not find this ideal specimen of a man, I didn't even come close. I dated very few men like that of my model man, and I married a man that was as far away from the  "Mr. Right that I had pictured so perfectly in my mind. All in all, I "settled"!

      Not once on my list of my Prince Charming did I say that I wanted a coke head, a drunk, a gambler, or a cheater. Never did I have a desire for a man that was unemployed, verbally and or physically abusive, controlling, and selfish. Never did I once did I say, "wow, a complete abuser, and loser, I want that!" Yet, time and time again I made exceptions and made due with what I found, as to not be single. Sound familiar? Sound stupid? You bet. I think all men and women should say out loud all of their prospective partner's flaws as to see how idiotic we can be in our choices.

      As I got older my list changed. One would hope that I would have matured in my image of my perfect match, but I did not. As a thirty something I decided that while I could live without a man with a sexy accent, I wanted a man that was a golfer. My man couldn't just be any golfer he had to be a great golfer. I suppose that could explain my brief interest in a crackhead that could drive the ball as far as the infamous Tiger Woods. Brief as it was, I wasted many days playing golf with a man that I should have run from. Who knows who I might have met had I played golf by myself. Instead I wasted time playing with a Dennis Quaid lookalike , who was charismatic, funny, and nearly a PGA Pro. Why? Because I loved to watch this man swing the golf club, and he could shoot well under par.Such maturity I had, as if an incredible golfer is what's most important in choosing a man.

     I dated another man that could play a great game of tennis, was adorable, successful, a good dresser, and was a pothead. This man was at least an hour to two hours late for our dates, time after time. Why did I continue to date this man? Simple, he was cute, he was a lawyer, he could play tennis well, dress well, and oh...he loved to eat! Now isn't that a fine way to choose a man? A man that loves to eat. For God's sake show me a man that doesn't like to eat. Then not too long after I met my now ex-husband. The husband from holy hell!

       My ex-husband, the man who should have been my end all, be all, was as far from my perfect man as I could possibly have found. I greatly veered away from my list and decided on what attributes I thought ought to be important. My ex was successful, the right age, and it was time for me to settle down. Attractive? He was okay. I actually once asked him if a horse had stepped on his nose back in his horse shoeing days. It had, and oh was that nose something to look at when he was in a mood. I hated that nose! Terrific tennis player? Not even close. Being a teaching tennis Professional I thought I might be able to improve upon his game. I was wrong. Far be it for me to know more about something than my darling hubby! Great golfer? Not really and it infuriated him that I could play as well if not better than he as he had been playing a bit longer. Accent? No, he was from the midwest and having moved about, he had managed to lose his accent. Cool? No not at all . I cringe at the thought of my ex ,dancing his happy dance in our kitchen. Let's just say dancing was far from his forte. In fact, it was a sight to behold. Lover of dogs? Yes so I thought until three years into our marriage I watched my husband dam near hang one of the dogs for not minding him. "The one"? Hardly. My ex hubby was nothing that I had pictured in my dreams. Nightmares, perhaps, dreams? Never. 

      At present I have changed, or at least I like to think I've changed. While I do believe that one must be attracted to one's appearance I believe one must also be attracted to the person inside. A man whom is "hot" is great, but it's what's on the inside is what really matters. I've found in really getting to know people that one's feelings can change. Men whom I was once attracted to I am no longer, due to a loss of respect and lack of character. I now know that what's inside a man's head and heart is what is important when choosing a partner. While a man that plays a good game of golf would be grand, I now know I need and want a man that's so much more. High morals and values, being honest, and thoughtful, are whats truly important. While I need not a billionaire, I do want a man that can hold a job, and hold it for more than a month, or two, or three. I also want a man that adores me for me. I want a man that gets a kick out of my flaws not one that grows to hate me for my flaws. In essence, I want a normal, upstanding guy and until I find him I know I am far better off in saying "I'd rather be single...for now!
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

    

      

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Women And " The Bottom Of The Barrel"!


    

    I'd rather be single...for now. " Yes, absolutely. I and several women feel that they would rather be single...for now. While most women would much prefer to be madly in love and in a relationship, they would prefer to NOT be involved with the likes of what is available. Unfortunately the pool of single men over the age of 45 is not real impressive. A good lot of women including myself have tired of settling for less than anyone deserves, and are happier being single. As the saying goes " better to be single than settle!"

      While I would love nothing more than to be happily married or in an amazing relationship, I love myself more than to continue getting involved with men that are not worth any woman's time. Sadly I have come to the realization that it's slim pickings after forty! The fact is if a man is available after the age of forty five, there's a very good chance that there is something is wrong with him. Most available men over forty are not "good guys". If a man is a decent guy, he is most probably not available after forty. A man that is faithful and a "catch", is taken as well he should be. In my opinion, most attractive, nice and successful men, are married. These are mature upstanding men that wanted to have, a wife, a partner and family. These men enjoy being married  and want normal adult lives. Therefore these men will continue to be the men that they were brought up to be, and do whatever it takes to keep their wives happy and their families intact.

   Unlike the "good guys", that many women can only dream about, the single men over forty are quite frankly "the bottom of the barrel". The question is why is a man over forty or forty five available? Many reasons, and as the many reasons are why these men are divorced are also the reasons why single women should not want them. Number one reason for a man being single, cheating. Yes cheating, and as the men will come up with a zillion reasons why he cheated on his wife. I've heard them all and no matter what, that same man will most definitely cheat on you as well. Number two, alcohol and or drug issues. Trust me, if a man's wife and children didn't get this man clean and sober, neither will you. I know, I've tried and I am done being a one woman rehab center for boozers, and losers that don't give a dam about anyone or anything, but their next high. The Sean Bianca Rehab is permanently shut down for business. If these men want to get hammered and high, I think that's wonderful, but I do not wish to watch it. Just as men have a dislike for women who drink too much women also have a dislike for men that drink too much as well. Other reasons why men are available, are as follows, men being abusive, both physiacally and verbally, men with gambling addictions, sex addictions, men in the closet that have come out, and men that are just plain immature womanizing assholes. As I said, after forty a woman's choices in men are at the bottom of the barrel.

    Now, what about the women? Men might ask what makes women so high and mighty in their worth after forty? Nothing makes them high and mighty, but I do believe men do have a much better lot of women to choose from after forty than women do of men. First and foremost women over forty are in a heck of a lot better shape then most men after forty! Next a good majority of the single and divorced women are fine women, that unfortunately chosen the wrong men. They are the women that chose the schmucks that are available. These women are guilty of having "broken pickers", and sadly fell in love with men that never ever should have been in relationships or have been married. At the same time I am well aware of there being plenty of women that are not the creme of the crop. Men are not alone in cheating, and men are not the only ones guilty of drug, alcohol, and gambling addictions, there just aren't as many women with issues as there are men.

     I do believe that there are "some" decent men out there that are available. Finding them is the hard part. While I do believe that there are still some "good guys" I also believe many of them are bitter and scorned. As men can be pricks, women can be bitches.One has to feel for the poor men involved with these lovely women. Many of these men end up shell shocked and traumatized for years, sometimes life! One can't blame a man for not wanting to ever get seriously involved with a woman after what some men have been through with these prima donna delights! And there we have it another reason why there are so few good men out there after forty, men being victimized, used, scorned and burned. 

     "Id rather be single...for now"? Yes, and I am not alone. I've "settled" a few times and the result was wasted time. Perhaps if I hadn't settled as to not be single I'd be with my "Mr. Right". I didn't and I and a good many women have learned the hard way that it is better to be single than  be with the wrong one. A lot of us wasted precious years and after forty we are left with "the bottom of the barrel" when it comes to men. While there are not a whole lot of great guys out there, there are some and they are well worth the wait, but if one doesn't come along I am the first to say "I'd rather be single...for now!
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Sunday, April 12, 2015

The Look Of "Love"!

                                  

             Her eyes are lit up like a Christmas tree, her smile is real, she looks at her man as if he is the most important man in the world, and he is, to her. Her happiness is contagious, and why?  She's "in love." He can't take his eyes off of her, he looks at her as if he absolutely adores her and he smiles as he knows what a lucky guy he is to have her.  His grin is one that has not been seen until now, until her, he's "in love". The look of "love"is a look that is all too rarely seen today as true love is becoming all, but nonexistent.

         Unfortunately what a man does, how much a man makes, and  what a man drives, is of far more importance to most women than chemistry, friendship and compatibility. Likewise a woman's cup size, age, and sex appeal is more desired by many men than a woman's intelligence, and personality.  Falling in love and finding, "the one" for many men  and women is of little to no importance. Perhaps the lack of "love", and  lack of the real thing is the cause of many divorces today.

        Honestly, if one observes couples today it's quite depressing. Rarely does one see a couple and say, "I want that!" Do I want a man some twenty or thirty years older? Hell no! I've seen those women, and they are downright miserable. In observance of the older man and much younger wife one is quite content to be single. Usually the younger women walk ahead of their hubby as to not have to shuffle along with their old geezer. The men sometimes have tubes coming out from everywhere, a walker, and an IV. I've often wondered why these men are out. I can only guess. Perhaps the wife is saving money. Obviously the husband isn't in extended care and quite clearly should be. I often wonder if the women hope their decrepit old farts will soon keel over. She can only hope! Does the younger woman gaze at her man with adoring eyes? No, the younger woman did not grown old with her husband. She now just prays that someday soon the end will come and that she may move on to a younger man and a shopping extravaganza!

     Likewise the men that choose to be with women for less than their class, social stature and intelligence are not men to envy. These men can be seen rolling their eyes with each moronic statement their clueless bimbo makes.  While these men are happy while in the bedroom, they continuously have their eyes out for a newer, prettier, thinner model. The "look of love" is absent in these relationships as well. As many men with money seem to choose everything, but true love when settling down with a partner, so do men without money. Unsuccessful men seem to take the gold digger route and find women to support them. These men are perhaps more miserable than the money hungry women as they are men, and men are supposed to be the breadwinner. Instead these men have forgone having a woman whom they are totally crazy about, to instead be supported by a woman.

     "The look of love" is the "look" we should all hope to one day find. It's a look that can not be faked, and can still be seen today among our youth. I remember a woman I once met that said while after ten years of marriage she was not in continuous awe of her husband, she did still at times see him and think, "wow". Funny enough this woman's eyes even lit up as she spoke about her hubby. Life is tough, and relationships are even tougher. That being said is exactly why it is so important to find someone with whom each has that "look of love". If one doesn't adore their partner in the beginning, I wish them luck with everlasting love. I want that "look". I want that "look" where people just "know" that I am crazy about the man I am with as he is with me. Until I have that look, "I'd rather be single...for now!
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Exes Are Exes !

         Ever look back at past partners and wonder? Wonder how they are, where they are, and if they're dead, alive, incarcerated, or climbing the corporate ladder? Well, I'm guessing a good majority of at least women have, and probably a good number of men as well.I know I have. Not that I've ever had a desire to reunite with an "ex", but I've just been curious as to what the schmuck, dingdong winner, or time bomb was up to in life. Well, curiosity killed the cat, and curiosity in an "ex"could quite possibly kill one as well. If reconnecting with an "ex" doesn't kill one it will enlighten us on why the "ex" is an "ex".

         Why? Why do so many of us have to know what an "ex"is up to in their little lives? Lives that as an "ex" are completely insignificant to us. Why? Why must some of us insist on opening Pandora's box. Are we that bored? If the "ex" was a total imbecile are we hoping that they are alone and miserable, or are we hoping that if the "ex" is single that we will reunite and be a real life Hallmark channel love story? Either could be true or perhaps if an "ex" was troubled we just wonder how they are doing,and if they're okay. Well let it be said that our exes are just fine without our checking on them. Not only are our exes just fine, but our exes are exactly in exactly the same places as when knew them and our exes are the same people that they were when we knew them some ions ago. Every undesirable trait our "ex" had years ago is very much still a part of our "ex's" personality. Not only are those unfavorable traits still a part of our "ex", but they are even worse. Hence why the "ex" is an "ex", and why there is never ever ever any reason or need, to wonder about an "ex."

         A friend once told me "an ex is an ex and is no longer a part of our lives and there is a reason." There is no need to go back to an "ex". Oh so true, and if I and many others would only follow that way of thinking we would be a whole lot happier for it! Unfortunately I have not always stuck to that feeling. No, I many times just have to "know" if an "ex" is okay. In my idiotic need to "know" if an "ex" was okay I have ended up with disastrous outcomes. One "ex" who had somewhat stalked me, ended up joining my gym, popping up at every establishment I frequented, and joining the club at a place I once worked. Why did this man do this? Well, in my need to know if he was okay without my presence I guess he felt perhaps there was a chance. One would have thought I might learn my lesson after that fiasco, but I did not. No, I again had to just "know" the mental state of another "ex". While I was merely just wondering how this "ex" was, this ex rightfully assumed that we would start hanging out. Oh what fun, socializing with an "ex", what will I think of next?

        Socializing with an "ex" is never ever a good idea. First, it's a waste of time, and second, it will only add drama to one's life and give one the thought that they are in the middle of a nightmare. Not only will one think that they are living a nightmare, but one will surely question their own sanity and well being as well. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, and that definition is in fact correct. The reason an "ex" is an "ex"is simply because that "ex" did  not add a bundle of joy to one's life, but added pain, suffering, and misery to one's life. Just because they are an "ex" does not mean that this person will suddenly add happiness and pleasure to one's life as a friend. Think about it,was the "ex"a good friend as a boyfriend or girlfriend? No, so what exactly makes us think that it will be different? It won't, it will only be more of the same, which is why an "ex" should remain forever out of one's life.

     "I want to take you out for dinner on such and such a date, let me know if it works for you." Those were the words just recently texted to me by an "ex"whom I was trying to be a friend and confidante to, to be nice. As I had not had time to actually get together with this "ex"whom I had reconnected, I cautiously accepted. I knew I was not at all romantically interested in my "ex", but thought there could be no harm in getting together as a friend. I was wrong, I was terribly wrong and I should have been smart enough to know better, but I was being nice! The dinner never transpired. I was to be picked up at 7:30 p.m, the "ex" showed up at 6:00 p.m., I was not even home from work. I received a desperate call wondering where I was and where could he pick up take out. Take out? Are you kidding me? It gets better. My "ex" informed me that he had to be at a relatives' by 9 p.m. and only really needed ten minutes of my time. WHAT? Let me get this straight, I set aside a Saturday night to have dinner out with my "ex" and he only really needed ten minutes of my time? Yes. I arrived at my home to my "ex" in my driveway  with his dog. I was happier to see my "ex" still had a heart, and had rescued a dog than to see my "ex".  As I looked at my "ex" in a wrinkled t-shirt, wrinkled cargo shorts, baseball cap, and clunky tree hugging sandals, I found the dog more well groomed. As if his attire wasn't bad enough he then started informing me of how GREAT his life was, and how happy he was. I wanted to wring his neck. Again, I set aside a Saturday night to go out for dinner with my "ex", and again he is an "ex" because there was good reason to have him be an "ex". As if his proclaiming his life to be beyond glorious wasn't bad enough, he went on to tell me what he wanted me to do for him. Aha, there we have it, he wanted something from me, what 
a shock. The master manipulator wanted me to do something for him, the truth comes out. Not only did the truth come out, but my ex's being a manipulator had not miraculously gone away. This man was the same man he was some seventeen years ago! He hadn't changed and I of all people should have known better, but I was trying to be NICE!

    "Exes" are "exes" for reasons. I have learned that an "ex" is our past and should remain in the past. Looking back only brings one unnecessary drama and frustration. As a footnote as my "ex" that conned me yet again, drove away, I went on to go out with not one man, but three that evening! I had a nice dinner, and chat that evening and was happy to be with three men that needed or wanted nothing from me. I went home and realized that never do we need to revisit our exes, but by accident. Life is like a book and once a chapter is finished there is never any need to reread it. Once a chapter is done it's done and one must move on to the next as to see how ones life story turns out. I no longer have a need to know the mental status or latest predicament my exes are in. I am happy to move on to the next chapter and say, " I'd rather be single...for now!
(C)Sean Bianca 2015
         

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Desperation Is Our Demise!

    

   "Desperation is our own demise." Who said that? I did. I said it as every time I, or anyone I know has been desperate to be in a relationship, the result has been truly catastrophic. Perhaps I am being a bit dramatic, but if the result of being desperate hasn't been catastrophic, it has been at a minimum downright disastrous! Seriously, anytime I have been depressed over my single status I have made the absolute worst choices in men, and I am quite certain that I am not the only person to admit this.

      I truly believe desperation has caused both men and women to settle for partners that had one not been desperate one would never would have even looked at twice let alone once. How does this happen and why does this happen? Simple. Most people do want a significant other in their lives.Most of us do desire romance, and companionship. Unfortunately many of us are all too impatient to wait for "the one" and we settle for sometimes just anyone. Many of us thankfully do wake up , have an "aha moment" and move on. We move on, look back and wonder just what in hell we were thinking. Well, we weren't thinking. Clearly one isn't thinking when they settle for the likes of a partner that is not even one iota of what one's standards in a mate usually are or have been in the past. In essence we let all standards fall to the wayside.

    Have my standards fallen due to my being "desperate"? Yes, unfortunately they have. I have more than once dated men who were unemployed. What was I doing? What woman dates a man without a job? A desperate woman that's who. Unless a man is independently wealthy, has a trust fund, or is retired after being a roaring success, a woman is insane to be dating a man who is unemployed. That being said, I was temporarily insane when I dated men who were unemployed, and even better, unemployable. Yes I have even dated a man or two who was incapable of landing a job. What a catch, a man without a job and a man who is unable to get a job. I am sure I was the envy of all when I was out and about with these men, but I had a man and that's what was important. Well any woman can have a man if she settles for a man that is unemployed. Yes, you too can have a man if you settle for a man that is jobless. Even better, a man who is carless, as in without wheels, without transportation. Over forty and dating a man without a car, what? I must admit that was a first. I actually dated a man who did not own a car. How did we date? I picked him up until I came to my senses and asked myself why I was seeing a man who was without the ability to pick me up, or meet me. Oh wait we did meet up once he obtained a bicycle. I dated a man on a bicycle, oh my God! Truly I was desperate. What's next? I hate to think, perhaps I can find a man on a skateboard.

       As if dating a man without the appropriate transportation of an adult wasn't bad enough, I have dated other "winners" as well. I actually have the distinction of dating a man who lived at home with his parents. Over thirty and living at home with his parents in a tiny back bedroom. What was I thinking? I wasn't. While I myself have lived at home as an adult, I am first, a single woman, and second, living in a home that is large enough for a family, not a home one's parents have decided to downsize and retire in. Big difference! That was a first, a man living at home with his parents. Not only did this man reside with his parents, but he slept till many times the late afternoon, was without a job, and had other serious issues. After the end of this wondrous relationship many people from friends to strangers approached me and asked just what in God's name I was doing. Frankly I now wonder myself. 

     Perhaps even worse than a man who lives at home with his parents, is unemployed and carless is the man who thinks women should come to "him". As in the man that demands a woman go to him. This man was special. Oh was I lucky to have dated him. I guess after Mr. Living At Home, I thought he was where it was at. This man seemed to have a job, did have his own place, did own a car, but refused to ever pick me up for a date. He wasn't the first man of this kind. I had previously dated a man or two whom made it known that I was to drive to them. In the end I walked away and said "never again", but due to desperation I did again date man that insisted I drive to him. The deal was he would drive everywhere once I got to him. Not only would he drive once I got to him, but he would pay for dinner and entertainment as well. This man actually offered to pay for my gym membership, my manicures, pedicures and hair as well. I did not let this man as I was afraid of the price and perfectly capable of paying for my own gym membership, hair, manicures and pedicures. Nonetheless I quickly came to my senses one day and realized that he was not worth my time in driving to him. This man was shell shocked when I informed him that I would not be driving to see him. While this man had been away for two weeks I realized I was far happier without him in my life, than in my life. I also realized that I had to be desperate to drive to a man time and time again. Thankfully my brain kicked in sooner than later.

    Men without jobs, men without cars, men on bikes, men with cars that do not drive to pick up their dates, men on drugs, I'm done! I'm done being desperate as we all should be. Let's face it, anyone can have a partner if they settle for the likes of someone that no one else wants. What woman wants a man without a car or a job? Sadly more women than one would think. Sadly many women settle for much less than they are worthy of as to not be alone. The trouble is in doing this is we miss out on the opportunity to meet someone who is worthy of us, and, "desperation is our demise". Being single is not the worst thing that can happen to us and we need to remember that. The worst thing is being with someone and wasting time with others that are not worthy of our time, and this is true of men as well as women. We can't meet the right one while we're wasting time with the wrong one. That being said I am over being desperate as I am not desperate. I am picky as everyone should be. While weekends as a single may get old, weekends driving to one's boyfriend without a car, job, or self respect, gets really old really fast. Being single is better than settling for less than what we deserve and want, and I truly believe that. While it would be nice to have a man by my side, I am no longer willing to settle. I want a man to "add to" my life, not "take" from my life, and therefore I am gleefully saying, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

       

Sunday, March 29, 2015

That Nagging "Inner Voice"!

        "He's great on paper and everything a woman could want in a man,  but..." "She's perfect for any man, any man would be lucky to have her, but..." "He's so hot, and the chemistry, I could just explode, but ..." "She's gorgeous, has a fabulous figure, sexy, is nice, but!" "He or she is of the same background,  and same religion, but..." "I have a serious connection, and who cares about the career, the religion or values?" Who cares is that inner voice, or that "but". "But", what is that "but"? That "but" would be that annoying inner voice, and or gut feeling that tells us what we should or should not do, who we should and should not socialize with, and with whom we should, or should not become involved with, in affairs of the heart. 

         That annoying, "but". That annoying gut feeling that tells one that things are off, and not right. We've all felt it at at least once. Some of us have felt it several times over. The question is what do we do with that "but", or that gut feeling? Answer, nothing. Many of us hear that inner voice or feel that gnawing feeling in our guts and ignore it. We ignore it as we choose lust over trust. Our guts that we can always trust unfortunately almost always loses out to lust. That inner voice is all too often ignored for what our heads tell us is right or wrong.We bounce it off and continue our path, our path to destruction, turmoil and strife. 

         Turmoil, drama, and strife, I know them well, all too well, as I am quite experienced in the area of not hearing my inner voice. I am proud to say that I have proved that one's gut and inner voice are always right. How do I know this? Simple every time I have chosen not to listen to my gut or that "but" have been painfully regretful. I have time and time again experienced unnecessary displeasure. Displeasure and misery that could have been completely avoided had I just listened to my inner voice or that gut feeling. 

          My first love was to die for, "but", I had that funny feeling. The end result was two years of disappointment, drama, and disaster. My now ex husband was a "but" from the start. He was a "but" as he was great on paper, "but" he wasn't what I wanted. I listened to my head, married him and had a four year marriage from holy hell. A month prior to the wedding I "knew" my inner voice was begging me to not go through with my marriage. Did I listen? Nope, I was 35 years old, and I wanted to be married. My desire to be married was too great to listen to my gut or my inner voice.  One would think I would have learned from my nightmare of a marriage. One would have thought I'd go on be wiser and listen to the "but", and my gut, but I did not. I got divorced and made one poor choice worse than the last. One relationship was a man whom I wasn't at all attracted to, however I wanted to date someone and it felt wrong from the start. The demise of our relationship came a year later when I noticed this man's large hairy ears, hairy neck and grayish feet. I had an epiphany and it was a year late. The epiphany was that I was dating a man whom was way too old for me. I'm sure many assumed upon seeing me out and about that I had "Daddy issues". I did not, but I was desperate for a significant other. Desperate indeed.I surely wasted a year in my little life. Another relationship was a man whom I felt from the start was trouble, yet a forged ahead. It was another meaningless two years wasted, on an unemployable, selfish drug addict. Luckily I finally listened to that inner voice, followed my heart and never looked back.

     Again and again my choices in men have been less than great. From the get go I have been warned by that "but", by that inner voice, or gut feeling. Instead of listening to those feelings I have ignored them and have repeatedly been needlessly let down. All that was needed to avoid, pain, failed relationships and disappointment was simple. If only I had listened to what I felt deep down in my gut. I chose not to listen and I paid the price with time wasted with men who did not deserve my time and energy. 

     Many people believe that the "inner voice" is the man upstairs. That "gut feeling" is our higher power attempting to warn us of what we should, or should not stay away from. Unfortunately a good majority of us do not listen to that inner voice. We go against what our gut is trying to tell us, and pay the price. We use our will and do what "we" want, and what do we get? We get the knowledge that our "inner voice" knows what it's talking about. Our "inner voice" is never proved wrong. Never. Never have I gone against my inner voice and had a great outcome. Never have I been able to say to my inner voice, "ha, ha, I proved you wrong, he WAS one hell of a great guy!" Never. Hence why today I listen to that "inner voice".

    For the first time in my life I am actually listening to what my "inner voice", or gut tells me to stay away from. Turns out, my "inner voice" and gut haven't thought any man has been the "right" one for me. While I'd much rather be in a fabulous relationship I am happy to say that I am happier to not have the pain, drama, and suffering from a relationship that my "inner voice" warned me about. I strongly urge others to do the same, as you can't possibly meet the "right one" if you're with the wrong one. Rather than not trust my gut and go for the lust, or rather than listen to my head and settle for a man that appears stellar on paper, I am listening to my "inner voice", and my gut and saying , "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

"Wow, It's That Easy!"

       "Wow, It's that easy", said the six foot two, attractive young executive. What's that easy? Bedding young women, that's what. Apparently if a man is single and somewhat attractive, a man can easily sleep with a different woman every night, if he so chooses to do so. Let me add that a man is able to get laid on the first date as well. Yes, it's that easy out there. It's easy to have sex, and it's easy to have sex without strings attached. A man can have his fun, send a text such as, "had a great time, and talk to you soon", and move on to the next, or if he so desires he may text a conquest again. "It's that easy!"

       As a divorced woman I have to admit I was quite disgusted at hearing how "easy" it is out there to be a man. I was not at all disgusted with the man however, I was disgusted with the young women. How women can think so little of themselves that they would give their hearts away so easily on a first date is incomprehensible to me. These women quite obviously have little respect for themselves, have little to no control, and or no values or scruples. While many women feel that they may be able to be just like the men and jump into bed with whomever, and whenever, the men are laughing behind their backs. The men are joking and boasting with family, friends, and their tennis pro, yours truly!

     With the lack of values of women today it really shouldn't be a shock that men now treat most women with zero to no respect. How can a man possibly have any thread of respect for a woman when she clearly doesn't respect herself? They can't, and frankly I don't blame them. It's pathetic! How can women be so naive and cheap? Do these women think that men with whom they jump into bed with on the first date will ever really like them, much less love them? Perhaps if a woman is pretty enough, thin enough, boobalicious enough, rich enough, or good enough in bed, a man will call again. Once in a blue moon, a man may even have a girl he screwed on the first date as a girlfriend, but it's rare, very rare. Why? Simple, because men like to hunt, and men want a challenge, and if a woman is conquered too easily he will quickly be out hunting again.

     Men, hunters? Of course. Men do not change. Most men want a woman who is a challenge, men love the chase. Surprisingly even the nerdiest of nerds like a woman that is hard to get. Men do not want a woman who is so easily had. Let's face it, if a woman  can jump into bed the first night with one man, then how many other men has she jumped into bed with on a first meeting? Several I'm sure. Now I'm thinking STDs, as in how many different sexually transmitted diseases must these women possess? God only knows, but personally if I were a man I wouldn't want to be visiting somewhere a slew of men have been prior to myself. I mean how disgusting a thought is that? Just saying. 

     "Wow it's that easy", said the young executive, but the young man was not able to say those words with one woman. Yes apparently there are still SOME women out there that still have some sense of worth, and self respect, and those are the women who get the men. Yes indeed they do, as the young man that stated, "it's that easy", was still very much interested in the young lady that did not sleep with him on date number one, proving that times have not really changed. "You've come along way baby"? Yes women have in many ways, but when it comes to sex, times have not really changed much at all. The women's libbers can rant, rave, and fuss all they want, but the men will always be studs, and the women will always be sluts. I have to say, if I were a man and had women sleeping with me without much effort, I too would walk away and say, "I'd rather be single...for now!"
(c)Sean Bianca 2015